SomeWhere On... (BXB)

Day 2

Knocking makes sense to me. Murph's bedroom door is closed and I doubt he's eaten anything besides the bag of crisps I got him for lunch. "P – Murph?"

I hear the chair swivel. "Come in."

The door creaks. I hate this fucking door. "Hi."

"Oh, hi, Tommy." Murph blinks. And then swivel back around. "Did you forget something up here?"

Something catches in my throat, and I swallow it back down to wherever it came from. "J...just thought you'd be hungry." I offer up the crisps, but he doesn't see them. I put them down on the desk next to his notebook.

He looks at them, and then at me. "Thanks," he whispers. I turn, but he's grabbed my hand. "I appreciate it."

It doesn't mean anything to me. So I sit down on the bed and sigh. "Murph...maybe coming over was a mistake."

Murph swivels back towards me. "What?"

I sigh. "You don't seem that...excited that I'm even here. It's been, what, four months since I last saw you, and – "

He stands. "Don't say that. I..." Murph rubs his fingers together before kneeling in front of me. "I'm...really glad you're here." I look away, but he brings me back to his eyes. Murph's hands're on my face. "I'm not lying. I'm really glad you're here." His blue eyes go glossy, and he takes off his glasses. "I don't think you understand what kind of impact you've made on me, just by being here."

I put my hands over his. "Yeah, and look what happened. You cried, I cried, I screamed at you...'m I forgetting anything?"

Murph gets up and moves his hands to my shoulders. "Don't say that."

"The one good thing I did was pull you outta your funk," I sigh.

This pained look crosses Murph's face and he whispers, "Don't say that."

And I bite my tongue.

His head drops. "I know I've been...a little cold to you, and I know this visit hasn't really turned out how you'd expect it to be." Murph's blue eyes come back to me. "You were...probably expecting cuddles and kissing and...just...not screaming at each other." He sits down beside me and sighs. "But I'm glad you're here. It...forced me to open my eyes on how our future's going to look."

"Our future." I look away. Also because I'm probably red.

"But that doesn't mean I'm going to roll over for you because you want to come here." He frowns and takes my hand. They're soft and cool to the touch, and my skin crawls. "I want it to be based on facts, not, necessarily, emotions."

Wow. That kinda makes me fucking hate him.

"Don't give me that look," he scolds, pulling away his hands. "I'm just trying to understand things."

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. "I feel like you're making it a harder choice than it is."

His turn to sigh. "Tommy, I'm just being careful."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want this to end. For either of us to see it as a mistake." He pauses. "If someone made you happy, wouldn't you be careful, too?"

I reach out for his hand. "I just wanna stop all this." I pull him closer. "Going back and forth. Wondering when the next time we'll see each other." And that night flashes through my head, and I'm angry again. "I just wanna be here. There. Wherever. With you."

"I know," Murph whispers. His hand goes under my chin and pulls my head up so I can look at him. "How much longer are you here for?"

"...flight goes back tomorrow afternoon."

He nods and swallows. "Okay." Murph turns to his desk and then back to me. "I'm...going to take a break, okay?" His head drops a little, but his eyes stay on me. "And I've really missed you, Tommy." Murph leans forward and whispers, "No one cuddles like you do."

My breath catches. "I, uh...feel a little rusty."

He nods. And when he does, his whole upper body moves in a wave. "Maybe you should practice."

I fall back, taking him down with me.

Murph gets as close to me as he can. His face's in the crook of my neck. And I can tell he's smiling. "Besides, I need oxytocin."

"I don't know what that is."

He hums. "Bonding chemical."

"Sounds gross." I wanna kiss his forehead.

"No," Murph insists, looking up at me. "It's good."

My stomach twists, and I kiss his cheek. "S-sorry." I mean, I'm probably still not allowed to call him "Pup". Or "luv".

He tightens his grasp on me. Murph shuffles up and kisses me.

But I'm the one saying "Sorry" again.

Murph doesn't stop. His arms snake around my neck he keeps kissing me. I'm not complaining because I roll over and kiss him as hard as I fucking can.

For the next half hour, I have a good reason tosay "Sorry" to him over and over.