DYING IN LA | WHY DON'T WE SICKFICS

DRUNK DRIVER pt.1 - zach

I swear I'm writing others and working on requests but I was sad when I wrote this so this is what came out of it. I hope it's not as shit as I felt lmao

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Zach stared down brokenly at his phone. Tears quickly blurred his vision as he stared down at his open messages, the text he'd had there for hours finally being sent.
What had he just done?

After mulling over what to do and sending himself into panic so many times he lost count, Zach finally did it.

He broke up with his boyfriend.

As soon as Zach hit send, his chest filled with pressure and body ached with guilt. His knees shook with not knowing whether to let him collapse, or run as far away from his hotel room as possible. In the end, Zach found himself at the bottom of his bed, knees pulled to his chest as he sobbed into his hands.

There was no going back, Zach knew this—and he didn't want to—he made this decision for himself, for once thinking about his own happiness; why did he feel so guilty then?

It hadn't been very long since him and his—now ex—boyfriend Matt began dating, just passing three weeks. They met a year back when the band had stopped for a show in Toronto. He'd never thought someone he'd randomly met in a new city would become so important to him.

Zach was proud to say Matt was one of his best friends, even during the short time when they were dating. A few months had gone by when Zach started to feel it.

The way he would perk up at every notification coming through his phone; the way he'd visibly deflate when it wasn't Matt and how he'd scramble to unlock it when it was. The smile that never seemed to leave when him and Matt would stay up for hours, talking on the phone or texting into the early hours of the morning. When Matt complimented him or called him adorable after he did something stupid, his heart would race and his cheeks would flush, palms sweating as he didn't know how to respond.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago did he work up the courage to ask him out, heart leaping out of his chest when Matt said yes.

Zach was happy.

Until he wasn't.

Being in a long distance relationship was never something Zach ever imagine himself getting into, but he tried to make it work. He was new to it, relationships all together for that matter, but he liked him more than he'd ever liked anyone before. Why shouldn't he give it a shot?

Zach noticed a change in himself within the first week. How he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that at some point in the future, him and Matt wouldn't be together. It was inevitable—at least in Zach's eyes. Long distance never really worked well for anyone.

Zach had found himself stuck. Stuck between ending things and hoping his best friend wouldn't want to stop talking to him, or just try. Stay and see if the feelings went away. If his liking for Matt would be enough to make him stay.

The second week is when the guilt began to set in. Was he leading Matt on? Would ending things break his heart? Was he just being selfish? Did he even like him as much as he thought, or was he just lonely?

He didn't know what to do with himself. Zach wasn't out to anyone—family included. He didn't have anyone to talk to, and that drove him insane. He needed to vent, he needed someone to tell him he wasn't selfish for wanting to end things so early on. He needed someone to tell him to do what he felt was best. He wanted someone to tell him it would be okay.

After another week of guilt keeping him awake at night and eating him alive, he couldn't stand the happy look on Matt's face every time they called anymore. It made Zach feel sick with himself. That someone could love him so much and he was just gonna end it before they even got the chance to start. Every time Matt texted him, called him, told him he loved him or smiled that goddamn smile that used to leave Zach flushed from head to toe just made him feel bad for staying.