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NIGHTMARES - jonah

The rustling of sheets filled Jonah's otherwise silent room as he sat up. His breaths came in short, the irregular pattern worsening his state as he struggled to regain control of his thoughts. The weight on his mind dropped to his heart, feeling it physically begin to ache. Jonah winced as he pressed a hand to his chest, attempting to rub the feeling away.

It was past one in the morning, Jonah unable to sleep, despite knowing they had an early morning. His brain refused to shut off, warping his fantasies he'd been running through in an attempt to sleep into something much darker.

Instead of the peace he was searching for, Jonah was met with images something short of a nightmare. His brain turned to one of its darkest corners, bringing one of Jonah's deepest fears to the fronts of his mind.

Scenarios played on a continuous loop through his head, each one seemingly worse than the last. Different scenes of the ones he loved dying were clear in his mind, leading Jonah into a spiral he was all too familiar with.

No matter how many times this happened, Jonah never seemed to be able to separate those ideas from reality. The idea that one day the horrific situations could come true terrified him. Jonah couldn't handle loss. Not anymore.

Tonight was another where he found himself stuck. He was trapped in his own head, panic bubbling up inside him at the thought of anything happening to the people around him.

The scenes flashed by quickly. Short stories that lacked a happy ending played in his mind, switching between people and fates.

Jonah felt himself begin to tear up, bottom lip trembling as anxiety took over his body. He positioned his arms above his head, sitting straighter in attempt to allow air in easier. He took deep breaths, unable to slow the pounding of his heart.

Jonah choked on a sob, moving to tug at his hair lightly. He slowly dragged his hands done over his face, pressing harshly against his eyes, almost willing the images to stop.

His siblings, his parents, his friends, his boyfriend—he could see all of them. Over and over, one by one, they all left.

Jonah knew he couldn't escape the loss he was so afraid, it was a part of life. He made peace with that. What Jonah couldn't get behind is those things happening unexpectedly. Life's plans were out of his control, the future was unknown. Anything and everything could happen, they could die tomorrow and not even know it. That's what Jonah was so scared of. The prospect of being hit with tragedy unexpectedly. What if he didn't even get to say goodbye?

Jonah eventually managed to slow his breathing enough to lay back down. He forced the images from his mind, shoving them to the side for now and letting ones much happier enter. He tossed and turned before falling into a restless sleep.

-

It seemed too soon before Jonah shot awake, eyes flying open as he sat up in bed. He groaned as he looked at his phone, seeing it was only just past five in the morning.

His head began to ache, nausea overpowering his senses. Lack of sleep along with the remnants of how upset he had been earlier, Jonah felt even worse than before.

He closed his eyes and just reminded himself to breathe. His mind was plagued with paranoia even in his sleep, nightmares raging on in Jonah's subconscious.

Tonight, the focus was centered on his boyfriend.

It started out with the travesty immediately, plunging Jonah headfirst into the moment his dreaming world fell apart.

There was a truck coming down the wrong side of the road, seemingly appearing out of thin air. There wasn't enough time to break, time running short as the car swerved at the last second, not managing to make it.