You Again | Editing

Chapter 31

"You can do it, Katie," Grandma encouraged, her voice dripping with optimism and a smile spread wide across her aged face.

Grandma looked pretty for her age. She had wrinkles by her eyes and lines by her mouth; her hair was dark gray, not white. She had big brown eyes–like me and Mommy–except Grandma always said mine were lighter with splashes of honey in them because I was so sweet.

"I'm afraid!" I yelled from the top of our deserted street, my voice echoing and carrying in the wind. I had off school today because we were calling for inclement weather–what that means, I don't know. I was hoping it was a big, fancy word for snow, but Mommy said that it's September, so the only thing that would be falling from the sky are leaves and rain.

What a bummer.

I wanted snow. So bad. But where we lived, it didn't snow often. And when it did, it didn't snow much. I wanted to move to another state–one where it snowed, unlike boring, snowless Asheville. I'd suggested to Mommy that we move out of state like Daddy did, maybe go to Georgia to be where he and Ryder live now, but Mommy said it didn't snow much there either.

Maybe when I grow up, I'll move to Antarctica where there's snow all the time and be where the penguins and polar bears live.

Grandma started walking toward me, her achy bones making her thin body move a little slower. She mentioned this morning that her knees were hurting her today–something about it calling for rain.

What does the rain have to do with achy knees? I don't know. I guess I'll ask Mommy when she gets home from work, whenever that'll be.

Mommy works a lot. She has two jobs right now, but she used to have three. She got fired from the grocery store. I heard Mommy tell Grandma while I was in the kitchen coloring that she got in trouble with her boss for not showing up to work when I had a tummy bug and wanted her to stay home with me, so I told her I was sorry. But Mommy wasn't upset or mad, she said that any job that didn't understand her first and most important job was being a Mommy to me, then it wasn't any job worth having.

She made me smile real big and hard that day.

I guess being a Daddy to me wasn't a job worth having and that's why I haven't seen my Daddy in so long.

It's been one hundred and sixty-three days since Daddy and Ryder moved away.

Daddy said they'd see me soon, but when is 'soon'? It's been so, so long!

I miss them.

"Katie," Grandma began, squatting down with her hands on her knees. "You have nothing to be afraid of!"

Like word-I'm-not-allowed-to-say-even-though-it's-a-place I'm not!

Riding a bike without training wheels for the first time was scary.

My best friend, Amy, already knows how to ride her bike without training wheels–her Daddy taught her how over the summer. He wanted to teach me how, too, but I wanted to wait for my Daddy to teach me like he taught me how to fly a kite. But since he hasn't come and seen me yet, Grandma said she'd teach me today and I agreed because I couldn't wait any longer–I wanted to ride bikes with my best friend.

"I'm missing my training wheels, I do have something to be afraid of!" I exclaimed, gripping on to the yellow polka-dotted handlebars of my bike, the silver tassels blowing in the wind.

"I thought you wanted to ride bikes with Amy?"

"I do–"

She cuts me off, "Honey, you won't ever learn how if you never try."

"But I'm afraid!"

"Can I ask you something?" she asked me, raising her brows high above her forehead, creating more lines and wrinkles. Old people have funny skin.

I nodded my head. "You remember how you regretted not trying chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream sooner because you were afraid that you weren't going to like it?"

"Yeah," I replied quietly.

"Are you always going to let your fears stop you from doing something you really want to do?"

I looked down at the ground, avoiding her gaze. "I . . . I don't know."

She tilted my face up by my chin with her finger. "What's your biggest fear right now?"

"That I'll get hurt if I ride this bike without training wheels," I replied without a second thought.

"And what's your biggest regret right now?" I inhaled a breath, bringing my lip between my teeth as I stared at her, thinking.

"Not trying chocolate chip cookie dough sooner."

She grinned softly at me. Reaching a hand to my head, she slowly brought it down the length of my hair and swirled the end around the tip of her finger. "You wanna know something?"

I nodded my head.

"The difference between fear and regret is, fears are temporary if you face them right now, but regret can last a lifetime if you don't."

That was the last time I faced a fear. 

It seems minuscule in comparison to what I'm facing now.

My thumbs fly across my screen, tapping out a message and dropping a pin of my location to send to Leon.

I need to do this, I want to do this. And I have to do it before my nerves get the better of me, before I talk myself out of it.

Meet me at French Broad River Park. I'll be at the observation deck.