Steven Easton

Nick White

Sunday, May 5

Yesterday, I explained how Ava's father friended me on Facebook and asked for a DNA test, even though it was very probable that he was her dad, but I needed to consult in some people before opening that door up. My problem wasn't that Ava would have contact with her biological father, but my problem was that I didn't know what his true intentions were. What if he did meet her and wanted to take her home with him? It didn't even have to be bad intentions. Like, maybe he was really rich and would look at where we lived at be like, "I can give her a better life." 

Ideally, he would've raised her in the first place, but at this point in her life, I think we could all agree that staying with me is the best thing for her because I wouldn't want her to feel abandoned from me like she had felt from my sister. Also, selfishly, it would be like someone stripping my daughter away from me.  

For those of you who don't remember or didn't read the blog before, I didn't know my dad until I was 27. I knew his name, so I friended him on Facebook. About a month later, I met him, and it was all good for the first little while, but when we really started to dig up our baggage and why he really wasn't around, things got very rocky to the point where I didn't even know if our relationship was going to make it, but it did, and sometimes I ask him for advice. I knew there would be no better person to ask about how to handle this situation than my very own father.

After a few days of processing everything on my own, I texted him, asking him to call me whenever he had a chance to sit down and give me life advice. We agreed on him calling me while I was at a coffee later over the following weekend in Spring of last year. 

After explaining everything to him as I was sitting by myself at my favorite local coffee shop, he asked me, "If I would've come into your life at eleven years old, and only saw you once a year, would that have made things better or worse?"

That was the question I had thought a lot about, but not out loud. "Honestly," I said, "I think it would've given us a different relationship. Depending on how often we talked would probably have shown me how much you cared, ya know? I just don't want it to be like--I don't her to get super excited about meeting him, and something falls through. I also don't want it to be like she expects him to be there, but he's not."

"Yeah, so I would meet him and wait until you're sure about how he's going to be around her, and then make your decision."

"But the problem is you can never know for sure."

"You don't trust people easily though, Steven, and I think it's worth taking the risk because if she finds out that you wouldn't let her meet him, she's going to be crushed. You know what that's like with your mom and I." 

Taking a sip of that sufficiently good vanilla latte, I sighed. "What if he wants to have custody?"

"You'd probably win because you've shown you can be a consistent provider in all ways, and I think through the messages exchanged so far that he does not want to take her from her environment. If he has a wife and other kids, he probably gets what's going through your mind."

"We don't know if he's married though."

"But he has pictures with people who look like his family with a woman--that's a pretty good sign." He paused. "Your mother didn't want you to have a relationship with me, and--"

"It's not only her fault," I reminded him.

"Okay, but it would've been better if her and I would've worked together, and I think you owe it to Ava to give her this opportunity. She needs to know her dad. He needs to know her, too."

"So, after the DNA test comes back, should I meet up with him in person if it's a match?" 

"Yes. He lives in Florida?"

"Yup."

"Maybe over the summer you should fly down to Florida." 

"Yeah..."

"What are you thinking about?" 

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I know why Mom did what she did, but I don't want to make the same mistakes she did." Clearing my throat, I fiddled with the paper straw wrapper that I had neglected to throw away. "I want to protect her, but I don't know what is the right amount."

"I think you need to do the hard thing, even though it's going to complicate things. Be willing to work with the guy."

So, that was what I did; I ran the DNA test, learning that Ava's father was indeed named Nick White. We met in December. Tomorrow I will write out how all that went. Stay tuned. 

Ava could've been Ava White.