Steven Easton

Things I Can't Control

Friday, May 10

I don't know if I want to write this entry today, but we're doing it anyway. 

I didn't get out of school until five because I had to stay back for a student who needed to write an in-class essay that was supposed to be done a month ago. I wasn't originally going to let him do it because he knew the rules about make up work, but there was no way he wouldn't fail if I didn't let him take it. 

When I finally got home, it was after 5:30, and Ava was in her room, playing school. She hasn't played a lot in the last couple of months. I think it's because she thinks she's too old, but now that she doesn't have her phone, I think today she finally broke and got bored. One of my biggest mistakes about parenting was allowing her to have Netflix at her disposal, but sometimes, she even gets bored of watching Friends. When I could hear her talking to her dolls as I walked in, I was kind of amused, but I still haven't decided if 11 is too old to play school or not. Granted, I play school everyday. It's probably fine.

Because I'm the principal of our house's school, I walked in as her door was open. "Hey, Miss Easton. How are you?"

Formally, she straightened up. "I'm good, sir. How may I help you?"

"I would like to know what you would like for dinner?"

"Can I go to Paisley's?" 

"Were you invited?"

"Paisley said she would have her mom text you."

I hadn't had a free moment to check my phone since lunch, so I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I had so many random notifications. Sure enough, there was a message from Paisley's mom, Pam, inviting Ava over for dinner.

"Let me call Pam, okay?" 

"Okay."

When I called Pam, I apologized for not getting back to her sooner, and I explained how crazy today had been. She was very understanding about it and said that Ava was still welcome to come over for dinner, and that if Morgan and I wanted to come over, too, we were welcome because they were having hotdogs and burgers. 

Even though I was tempted to turn her down, I know I need to continue to build good relationships with people here, otherwise I won't have any, so I called Morgan, and she was all for it because it's been hard for her to make friends here, too.

As Ava and Paisley were playing inside as it was kind of cool, us adults all sat outside around the bond fire. 

"Can I ask you a question?" Pam asked me after about an hour of talking about random stuff.

"Sure."

"Why did you take Ava instead of giving her to another relative, like her grandparents?"

Questions. I get them all the time. "She actually lived with my aunt and uncle for awhile down in Alabama, but they are--not old, but they're older, and I figured that since I was the closest relative, I had the responsibility to take care of her. I also knew that supporting a child would force me to not go down a destructive path."

"Can I ask what happened to your mom and dad?"

"My mom died the same year Ava was born, and I didn't know my dad until 2017." Shifting in my chair, I took a drink of the Dr. Pepper they provided me with. 

"I'm sorry for your loss," Adam told me. 

"Yeah," Pam agreed. "Where's Ava's mom?" 

Surprisingly, they hadn't asked this yet, even though we've known them for awhile. "She's in prison."

"For what?"

"She robbed a bank." Whenever I tell someone this, I wonder if people actually believe me.

"So, how long is she in for?" Adam asked.

"Life." 

"Really? Just for robbing a bank?"

"No, she killed the banker." 

Pam gasped involuntarily. Her eyes widened. "Why did she...?"

"Drugs," I said shortly. "I don't think she knew what she was doing. I really don't."

"Does Ava know?" Pam asked. 

"Yup." I looked at Morgan, knowing she knew the details about that.

Pam sighed. "How long ago was this?"

Thinking about it, I said, "It was when Ava was, like, four." Sighing, I said, "I don't want you to judge Ava for her parents' mistakes though." There was a plea in my voice.

"We would've never known that she had that much of a..." Pam didn't know how to put this messed up situation in words. 

"She acts like any other eleven-year-old," Adam said. "We would've never known."

When he said that, I thought about the conversation her and I had last night, and I knew that wasn't true. "On the way here tonight, she complained about how she didn't have a mother to give a Mother's Day card to, so maybe it doesn't seem like she's any different, but it still bothers her, and I hate the fact that there's nothing I can do to fix it." Giving them a small smile, I shrugged. "But I can't get worked up over things I can't control, I guess."