Steven Easton

Memorial Day

Monday, May 27

Today is the unofficial kick off to summer, and up here, we don't really have many traditions yet for Memorial Day, which is okay because it gave an opportunity for Ava to hang out with her dad one last day.

I'd like to thank all the people who have served this great nation. I pray for the people who are serving our country right now.

Memorial Day and I have a weird relationship. As a veteran myself, I have an immense amount of respect for men and women of the military, so I'm glad that there's a day to honor what our men and women in the military do and have done for our nation, but it wasn't until last year this day has become raw for me. Mr. Kraus was in the military, and he was the teacher who encouraged me to go to college through the military, and he also showed me Jesus. He passed away in October of 2017, and we actually flew down for his funeral, but when I came back home to Iowa, life moved on like normal, but without the occasional call from Kraus.

The night before Memorial Day last year, I watching a program about Memorial Day on TV, and they talked about stories with wounded soldiers. There was a point during that where I had to just shut it off as I started to tear up. After that, I started thinking about Kraus, so I went to bed early, just trying to not think about it. Trying to not think about something usually doesn't work though, and when I woke up the next morning, it had hit me that I wouldn't see Kraus again. That hung heavy, even as we got to Mike and Jen's, I was really irritable with everyone, meaning I was just kind of sharp, which was unlike my personality.

Morgan eventually pulled me aside with grace after lunch, and led me outside. "Hey, what's going on with you today? Are you just having an off day or what?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I reassured her.

Raising her eyebrows, she put a hand around my waist as we were standing outside on Mike and Jen's deck. "What's on your mind?"

Deciding that it would be better to just be honest, so she knew what was really up, I confessed. "Kraus."

"What about him?"

Resting my elbows on the railing, I stared down at the green grass below. "I don't know."

She didn't say anything, waiting for me to elaborate.

"I guess I just have him on my mind with gratitude because of the way he had taken me in, ya know? He was the father I didn't have." Biting my lip, I pressed my lips together. "He was too young, like my mom." Then I forced myself to look at Morgan. "I'm sorry if I'm taking this out on y'all. Y'all didn't do anything."

Pulling me into a hug, she whispered, "You need to deal with your stuff." Actually, instead of "stuff" she said another choice word.

Pulling away, I mumbled, "It didn't cut until last night."

"Because you pushed it away, so now you don't know how to deal with it when it does come up." She rubbed my back. "How are you really doing with losing Kraus?"

"Honestly, my daily life didn't change, so whenever I do think about him, I try to not dwell on it. There's nothing I can do." Shrugging, I started to head inside, unwilling to continue this conversation.

She grabbed my arm though, pulling me back. "Tell me more about him. What did you like about him?"

It was time to be open with her, even if it sucked. "He wanted everyone to know that they were loved by Jesus no matter what they had done, had been through, or what they would do. He made an effort to not judge people despite their faults. He was just a good mentor, who made it clear to me that he cared, inspiring me to do that for other people." Taking in a deep breath and letting out it slowly, I shook my head in anguish.

"You reflect his legacy," she told me. "He'd be so proud of you, and I'm sure he was proud of you before, too."

I just have her a hug.

Fast forward a year, I'm a lot better because I've given myself a chance to talk about it more to remember him, so his legacy can continue on.