Stars Of Our Lives

Summon All The Courage You Require

It was so quiet.

The sun had barely risen, the morning light and cool breeze moving through the trees. The sky was a beautiful blue. Birds were chirping back and forth. The river bubbled happily behind us. And I sat in the middle of it, Krel's head on my shoulder and his legs over my lap as I held him.

Why did it have to be quiet?

Why couldn't the world be as loud as I wanted to scream?

The minutes went by at an agonizing pace. I tried to will it faster, but the sun continued to slowly inch up the summer sky. So I continued smoothing Krel's hair over the way Mama used to, staring blankly into the mountain ahead of us. Krel didn't have much time left, but there was nothing to do but wait.

And I've always hated waiting.

I still had one hand clenched around the button. It took me until I looked down at it to realize I was trembling.

Footsteps crunched in the grass behind me, so far away they almost sounded like a hum. I heard deep, adult voices chattering over things I didn't care about. I heard someone coming closer and my grip on Krel tightened. Suddenly, I didn't feel scared or anxious or even desperate.

I felt angry.

But the second I saw Zadra's face, it all melted away.

Guarded horror filled her eyes when they landed on us, as though she had prepared herself for what she might see, but was still undone by it. The two of us covered in dirt and blood, Krel shivering and gasping as I held him in a vomit stained blanket.

She lowered herself onto her knees beside me. She reached for my shoulder, but I flinched away.

"Please," Fresh tears spilled down my raw cheeks. "Help him. Please."

Her face fell, anguished. "Oh, Aja -"

"I'll go with you," I pleaded. "I'll do what you want - I'll do what they want. Whatever it is, I'll do it. Please," A sob burst from my throat. "Please just help him."

Zadra had to swallow before speaking. "Can you stand?"

It wasn't easy. My legs were aching and tired. My whole body felt like it was underwater. But I shifted and I grunted and I raised myself to my feet, still holding Krel.

Zadra lead me around the boulders, the three SUVs surrounding us coming into view - and all the people coming out of them. The second I saw them I started backing up, clutching Krel protectively against my chest.

My back hit Zadra's front, her hands coming onto my shoulders to hold me in place. "Aja," She whispered to me. "You need to let go now."

But I couldn't. They had to pry him out of my arms.

I tried to go after him, my arms reaching out to hold him again as they whisked him away. But then Zadra was holding my waist - holding me back. And I cried. I begged and pleaded for her to let me go. But she held me tight, so much it was suffocating.

"It's going to be alright," She said. "Krel is going to be alright. You are safe now, I promise."

I only cried harder. Harder than I had in a long time. I screamed and I struggled, kicking madly against the hands that pulled me forward. This was a mistake. A horrible, horrible mistake. I never should've called them. I never should've let anyone take me away again.

A terrible noise filled the air, but I didn't realize it was my own screaming until Zadra put her hand over my mouth. Her arms were twisted around me, one around my waist, pinning my elbows to my sides, and the other keeping my mouth shut.