Not Alone Any More {Chase Elliott || Sequel to Only the Lonely} ✔️

xi.

chase let out a shaky breath as he pulled on his helmet. he was thankful that everybody was too busy making last minute adjustments to the car, too busy to see the fear that had settled in chase's eyes.

it had hit him like a piano dropped from above -- no warning but man, did it hurt.

staring at his car, his chest tightened with anxiety to the point where he really had to focus hard on getting deep breaths so he didn't hyperventilate in front of the whole garage.

chase wasn't exactly sure why this had hit him all of a sudden. he had been fine, excited even to get back in the car. but once he had zipped his firesuit on and stepped into the garage, a panic had set in. he could almost feel the crushing pressure of his pinned legs, the smokey air that threatened to suffocate him.

a smarter man would have stepped back, said something, maybe taken time away from the track until he was completely ready to race. but chase knew that was impossible. he had already told everybody that had asked that he was fine, that he was ready to get back in the car. for what it was worth, his words weren't lies at the time. taking back what he said would be disastrous, a media firestorm that he wasn't prepared for.

simply put, chase would rather risk his own mental health than have to face the media and the fans. he knew that if he got back into the car, the headlines would marvel at his strength, a hallmark in his legacy. but if he backed out? the headlines wouldn't be forgiving, instead, they would tout his weakness -- a certain black mark on his legacy.

"earth to chase?" kathryn claire's voice brought him back from his thoughts. "practice has started."

chase nodded slowly, frozen. he wanted to run away to hide but he knew that he couldn't do that.

"are you okay?" her round eyes studied him. "chase, if you're not ready..." her voice trailed off.

"i'm ready." his voice was gruff, too gruff and he could tell by the frown on kathryn claire's face that he had hurt her a little with the tone he had used. "i'm sorry," he whispered.

she shook her head, backing up. "good luck, chase."

chase nodded slowly, turning towards his car. he could feel everybody's eyes on him as he climbed in the car. he sat there frozen for a moment, the pain he felt the last time he was in his car was unmistakable.

"chase." alan stuck his head into the cockpit of the car. "are you okay, buddy?"

chase flipped down his visor so alan couldn't see the panic in his eyes. "yeah." he answered. "sorry, i was just thinking."

"nobody would blame you if you weren't," he reminded chase. "you almost died, chase. we can have somebody in this car in ten minutes if you aren't ready."

chase pulled his belts into place. "i'm fine." he gritted his teeth. "i'm ready to go."

"fire it up then." alan nodded, his eyes skeptical.

chase nodded, flipping switches on, the engine rumbling to life. he gave a small wave as alan put the window net up.

suddenly, it felt like like his car was enclosing on him, trapped. he tried to shake his thoughts, to forget them as he pulled his car out of the garage. he shifted gears, willing his car forward. he maneuvered his way through the garage area onto pit road.

his chest tightened as he rolled through pit road. he tried to remind himself that he was safe, that the chances he ever has another wreck that bad in his career were nearly zero, let alone two weeks in a row.

"you can do this." he whispered to himself as he picked up speed before he pulled his car up the track. he continued to pick up speed through the straightaway, gaining confidence with every foot his car drove.

"the 18 spun, lots of smoke." his spotter informed him.

"10-4." chase clutched his wheel tighter as the backward 18 car came into his view. the smell of smoke wafted into his car.

instantly, chase was transported back into his car at sonoma. he was upside down, he was pinned. he felt the smoke surround, smelled the smoke that was going to suffocate him. he felt the terror rise in him, the completely helpless feeling that had overcome him before he had accepted the reality that he was going to die.

his chest was tightening and he knew that he needed to get out of the car. he wasn't ready. he didn't care about what the press said anymore, he didn't care about his legacy.

but the jolt of the impact from his car hitting the wall made him realize it was far too late for that anymore.