Love Me More Than I Hate Myself.

Chapter 18

A month and a half later.

Katsuki slung his backpack onto his shoulder and walked out of class, finally escaping from the hell called school. Katsuki ignored everyone and headed to the same place he's been going for a month and a half. Katsuki sighed when the familiar gate came into sight, knowing he was going back to his favourite place. Katsuki smiled when the scenery of the part came into view. When Katsuki go to the bridge, he smiled and sat on the edge. He took out his pocketknife and carved 'K+S' on the bridge floor. He never stopped loving Shoto, but Shoto stopped loving him the day he jumped. Katsuki kicked his legs back and forward, thinking back to all the memories he had with Shoto. They had only been together for two days, but those two days were the best days of his life. A tear rolled down Katsuki cheek as he started humming, subconsciously humming Shoto's song.

"You didn't give me the chance to love you Shoto. I wanted to love you more than you hated yourself, but you didn't give me the chance." Katsuki said, silent tears cascading down his face. "Why didn't you let me love you Shoto?" Katsuki asked, sobs starting to escape. "Shoto I fucking love you! Let me love you Shoto!" Katsuki shouted, filled with sadness and guilt.

There's a way you can see him again. A voice in Katsuki's head said. The ash blonde shook his head, not wanting to give in.

"I don't want to die. I'm not going to kill myself. Shoto would hate me if I killed myself." Katsuki whispered, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

But you would be able to see Shoto again. You would be able to be happy again. The voice said again.

"I don't want to be sad anymore, but I need to respect Shoto's choice. He wouldn't want me to die. Not like he did." Katsuki whispered again, tears spilling down his face.

But Shoto isn't here, is he? No, Shoto is dead. Shoto left you. Shoto left you on your own, with me and with no boyfriend. Shoto doesn't love you anymore. Shoto doesn't care, he never did. Shoto would want you to kill yourself. Shoto would want you to chose the easy way out. If Shoto really cared, you would be here. The voice almost screamed. Katsuki wanted to scream. He didn't want this voice in his head anymore.

"Go away! I don't want you here!" Katsuki yelled into the silence.

You're hungry, aren't you? You're tired, aren't you? You're depressed, aren't you? Then jump. Die you useless piece of shit! Katsuki hit himself in the head, trying to get rid of the voice. Katsuki winced at the instant headache.

"Yes, I'm hungry and tired and depressed, but I'm not going to kill myself." Katsuki hissed. He had to deal with this voice everyday. It was the depression haunting Katsuki- and the ash blonde hated it. Katsuki really missed Shoto, but he didn't do anything that Shoto did because Katsuki knew that Shoto didn't want him doing anything like that. He knew Shoto wouldn't wanting him hurting himself because all it causes is a vicious loop and Shoto didn't want Katsuki getting inot that.

Just fucking kill yourself already. You know you want to. Just die already, nobody wants you, fucking faggot. Follow in your boyfriends footsteps. The voice said quietly.

"And what if I do kill myself? Then what'll happen?" Katsuki snarled, tears slowly making their way down the ash blonde's face.

You won't be here anymore. No more pain, suffering, sadness. No more voice in your head telling you to kill yourself. You won't have to deal with the guilt of Shoto's death. Death is the sweet release you know you crave Bakugo.

"That does sound nice." Katsuki admitted. "It's not like anyone'll care if I died. Everyone's left me alone for almost two months. The Todoroki's are the only ones that care! I mean, they probably don't but they're the only ones that have been there for me, not even my own parents care about me!" Katsuki said to himself, tears streaming down his face at a faster pace.

Do it. You won't regret it. You'll thank me. You know this is the right choice Katsuki- you piece of shit. If you kill yourself, then you'll be the best person in the world.

"Huh? Why?" Katsuki asked in confusion, his tears stopping for a moment.

Everyone's left you alone because nobody really cares about you. If you die, you'll do everyone a favour. Shoto didn't care about you. If he did, he wouldn't have left you. He told you he wouldn't die as long as he could have happiness. He clearly wasn't happy with you or he wouldn't have jumped. Useless piece of shit. Die like your useless faggot boyfriend.

"Fine! I'll fucking do it if you shut up!" Katsuki shouted before he stood up. He was sick and tired of everything and just wanted some peace and quiet. He wanted to be loved. The only way he could ever be happy again was to follow in his lover's footsteps. "There's no life after death. But if you can somehow hear me Shoto, just know that I tried without you, but I can't do it. Shoto remember that I love you. I fucking love you with every inch of my being, even if you don't love me back. Please understand this was my only choice. Please don't hate me Shoto. I don't think I could deal that. Love you." Katsuki said before he closed his eyes. This was it- Katsuki was finally going to kill himself. Katsuki smiled before singing his own verse of Shoto's song, showing the two-toned boy how much he loved him- always and forever.

"Love me more than I hate myself.
I'll do that if you gave me the chance.
Just know I love you,
when I finally let go."

Then he jumped.