meditati ✧ oneshots

lovebug

pairing: slumptacion (really everyone x jahseh but)

✧

in which jahseh drinks a potion that causes everyone to fall in love with him except for the person he wants.

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desperate times called for desperate measures, and if this wasn't the most desperate measure that jahseh has taken in the name of some dick, then it was definitely up there, that's for sure.

the needy man stood outside of symere's dorm, knocking on his door periodically and waiting for the tiny man to appear behind the threshold and allow him to enter. he couldn't believe that he was saying this right now, but he really needed symere's help.

you see, symere was a self proclaimed witch, and he had all kinds of potions and supplements and crystals that he claimed were life changing. he had something like a mana potion, that he claimed could give the drinker supernatural powers, but among that he had potions that were about more normal things, such as ones to enhance your health, your beauty, or your intelligence. he also did tarot readings and spellwork alongside the various items he sold for consumption.

the thing is nobody knew if any of these items worked because pretty much everyone including jahseh knew that symere was full of shit. no one could really prove that his stuff didn't work, since no one would dare to spend their money on what was most likely just water with food coloring in a pretty bottle, but it was so ridiculous that most didn't even pay attention to his claims. when is the last time you healed from an illness by wearing a random crystal around your neck and drinking bright green water?

fortunately for him, he was about to receive his first customer on campus: a lovesick eighteen year old by the name of jahseh onfroy.

symere swung the heavy door open, appearing before jahseh wearing a baby pink flecece button up pajama onesie with white rabbits printed all over the garment and matching bunny slippers, a black cat purring in the small man's arms as he pet it softly.

"hello jahseh, how are you this evening?" the philly native had a pleasant air to his voice, almost a little too pleasant. that coupled with his forced smile was a bit frightening to say the least.

jahseh had so many questions - namely how in the fuck did symere manage to get a cat when there are no animals allowed on campus? why was he speaking like he was on the phone with customer service? and what in all hell was he wearing, for christ's sake? but actually asking the questions would be futile, so he decided to just keep his mouth shut and follow him into his dorm.

"so what is it that you need?" symere asked the man as he lead him to his living space "you need something to help you focus and study for your exams? you need a money manifestation spell? because when i say that i ain't been eating shit but cheese its for the past week..."

he actually felt quite embarrassed about what he was about to ask, considering not only was he about to bare his soul and reveal his hopeless crush on none other than stokeley goulbourne to a person that he barely talks to, but he was about to put his trust in some of this new age hippie bullshit and hope that it works.

"well actually, i have a crush," he mumbled, just loud enough for the petite man to hear him. "and i feel like no matter what i do, i can't make him like me back. i mean, obviously i can't tell how he feels for sure but i try to go above and beyond to make sure he notices me or thinks to compliment me that day but...nothing. we're friends yes, but i feel like at this point that's all we'll ever be. basically, i'm stuck in the friendzone and i need your help."