Alive

Not Goshi

"Takyi! You can come out now!"

I hear Goshi yell this, and I come sprinting out of my room. I run to the outside of the lab doors where I see Goshi smiling. I'm about to say something.

But I don't.

I know this isn't what Goshi would have wanted; I know this is not how he programmed me. Goshi loves me but...

It all feels off. He didn't, doesn't, want me to keep secrets from him. So I do. It makes me angrier that I know that I shouldn't hide the truth. And I don't really know what happened earlier.

But I do know one thing for certain: in some way, whatever that way is, Goshi lied to me. Which means he doesn't feel bad about hiding anything from me. Which means he won't answer any questions I have truthfully.

I am better off trying to figure things out on my own. Even if it's not like me to hide the truth, it's what must be done.

"Takyi, did you need something?" Goshi asks after a minute of strained silence.

"Oh, no." I answer simply. I feel betrayed, and I don't want to tell him anything anymore. I know it seems stupid. I have to remind myself that I don't know exactly what happened, but it still feels like Goshi considers me unimportant.

He has kept something from me, and even if it is an insignificant, little bit of information, I will find out what it is.

Later, at dinner, I stay silent. I still don't want to talk, but I do try to act happy. I don't want Goshi to get suspicious.

Suddenly, I have an idea. I can ask Goshi a question, but if I ask it carefully, I might be able to get the truth. Especially since Goshi "knows" I would never eavesdrop.

"Goshi," I say, "do you ever have full conversations with yourself? My friend Ross says he does it, and he was wondering if it was normal."

Ross doesn't actually, but I think Goshi will answer truthfully. I didn't ask it in a way so as to make him sympathetic towards Ross; I made it seem as if Ross wanted to know the actual statistic, something Goshi can't refuse.

"Well, I personally don't do it. But it is actually very normal. It helps people think about different kinds of responses to questions or statements they have. I talk to myself to hear myself think, but no, I do not have conversations." He says, not breaking away from his food.

He suspected nothing, and he answered just the way I wanted! So he did lie, and I am angrier than ever. I want to confront him, but I know I can't. 

Instead, I continue to talk about Ross and Nakya, and a couple of my other friends. I make it seem like it was just a simple question.

But it wasn't, and now I know that I was right. I was right all along. I do know now, or at least, I know some of it. I know I was lied to, and it is clear that I will continue to be lied to, but I don't know who else was in the house or what they wanted.

I sit through dinner, not at all focused on the discussion, with this thought racing through my mind. I try to keep all the facts together as I excuse myself and run to my room.

My programming tells me that most people my age start to be less social with their families, so I know Goshi still doesn't suspect a thing. I need it to stay that way.

Once in my room, I grab my tablet. It's an antique model, but it stills works, and it fascinates me compared to our current technology.

I get onto the home screen and choose one of my writing applications. It opens, and in it, I write down everything I know.

1.) Goshi lied to me

2.) Goshi doesn't have entire conversations with himself

3.) Goshi had someone in the house and did unknown "business"

4.) I have to figure out what happened

I lean against the wall of my room and look at the words. They seem different on the tablet. I search the sentences, looking for something in between the lines, but nothing strikes me. 

This is stupid. 

The statement pops into my head before I can stop it, but I immediately dismiss it. It seems stupid now, but I don't have all the facts. That's what I'm working for, and I will keep working until I figure it out, because I have to.

Everything is wrong. It's not like Goshi to lie. I can just tell that it's not like him. And I can tell that he means to tell me everything. So what is it, then?

I'm not sure what's wrong. Will I ever be sure?

Maybe not. But there are, and always will be, things that I am sure about. I'm sure about everything I've just written on the tablet, and I am also sure that until I solve this mystery, I will not be able to rest.

I have to know, because whatever happened earlier is not something Goshi would do. I am also sure of that. It's not like Goshi.

It's not Goshi.