What He Never Said ✔️

prologue • three a.m.

I awaken from a deep sleep to the sound of kissing noises. Great. Benson has a girl over. I know he's still on summer break, but I have school tomorrow. He likes to remind me that he has it harder than I do — "You're in the eighth grade, Bowie. I'm starting college!" — which, yeah, I somewhat agree with, but he chose to go to university. No one forced him.

It would just be really nice if he'd stop waking me up every night. I'm looking forward to having our room to myself for the next three months while he's at school.

"Let's take this to the bed," Benson says, not even attempting to keep his voice down. "I want you so bad, baby."

"I... I don't know." I hear the familiar voice of Raelyn, my sister's best friend. Something is off, though. Her speech is slurred, her words tremulous. "Maybe we should, um, take a break tonight. I should... I should probably go find Gemma."

"Come on, Rae," Benson whines. "Don't be a tease."

I open my eyes and see their bodies pressed together. He moves closer to his bed, sprawling out on top of her. She asks him to get off, but I don't think he can hear her.

"You're so sexy," he says. "God, I've wanted you for so long."

"Benson, I don't want to do this. I want to find Gemma," Raelyn protests. "We... we had a fight. I don't want her to be—"

"You can make up with Gemma tomorrow," he cuts her off. There's a tinge of aggression in his voice that gives me chills.

"Stop it!" she cries. "Benson, get off of—"

The rest of her sentence comes out as a garble. It's hard to tell in the dark, but I think he has his hand over her mouth.

Every nerve cell in my brain is telling me to jump out of bed, to make a noise, to give Benson some sort of indication that I'm awake, but my body is frozen. It feels like my mouth is wired shut, like I'm tied down to the mattress.

I'm paralyzed.

I hear a zzzip as my brother peels off his jeans and throws them to the floor. Raelyn kicks her legs frantically, but he's bigger than her, stronger than her. Eventually, she gives up. She lies motionless as he rocks back and forth on top of her.

I don't know why, but I start crying.

Benson's bed frame squeaks, which sounds oddly similar to the wail escaping Raelyn's throat. It's like they are both lamenting whatever is happening on top of them.

I'm not sure what is happening, just that it makes my stomach ache and my eyes well with tears. I slam my eyelids shut and hope it ends soon.

Sleep doesn't come for me. I'm still awake when Raelyn escapes into the hallway. I hear Benson get out of bed and open his dresser. Despite my racing heart, I force myself to sit up and call out his name.

"Shit!" he yells, noticeably startled. "Bowie, what the hell are you doing up?"

"You... you woke me when you came in," I tell him.

Even in the three a.m. darkness, I can see his face turn ghostly white. He clears his throat before asking, "Have you been awake this whole time?"

"Yes," I reply.

For some reason, it feels like the wrong answer.

"Listen," he says, clapping a hand on my shoulder, "you're my little brother. Brothers do each other favors. Can you do me a favor, Bowie?"

"Uh, I think so."

"Cool. I'm going to need you to keep quiet about what you heard tonight. It's sort of embarrassing, you know?"

"Embarrassing for you," I whisper, "or embarrassing for Raelyn?"

His lips spread into a sly grin. "More for her, actually. Girls get kind of uptight about this sort of thing. If she were to find out that you were awake and said nothing, she'd be really angry. You don't want that, do you?"

I shake my head. I don't want to embarrass Raelyn, and I definitely don't want to make her mad. She's never been anything but nice to me.

"Awesome. Thanks, little bro." He ruffles my hair and climbs back into his own bed.

My stomach is in knots. Something still doesn't feel right.

"Benson?"

"What's up, buddy?"

"Was that... what you and Raelyn were doing... was it...?"

He lets out a sigh. "Was it what, Bowie?"

Inhaling sharply, I ask, "Was it sex?"

He chuckles, except I don't see what's funny. "Yeah," he finally says, "it was sex. You'll learn more about it when you're older."

I don't ask anymore questions. A few minutes later, Benson's gentle snoring fills the room.

I don't know how he can sleep right now.

I fear I won't sleep again until he goes off to college.