Sympathetic Deceit One Shots

Loceit (2) pt.1

Hey, please don't kill me, this is angsty, and tbh, it was written while I was kinda, not good.

Am I projecting onto Logan? Possibly. Do I care? Not really.

T.W. - Crying, Selfhate, Implied suicide but very briefly

As always, I live for the comments you guys leave. You make me so happy, so thank you. In this, I was too tired to give Dee a name, but this is only part 1, so leave some thought about name suggestions for part 2. (And maybe 3, but who knows?)

Hope you like it 🖤

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Worthless

Stupid

Not needed

Undeserving

Not worthy

Unlovable

Robot

Emotionless

Cold

Uncaring

Words swirled around Logans mind as he sat for yet another sleepless night at his desk. The work had been completed around an hour ago, but he couldn't bring himself to move.

The words kept coming, usually quiet at the back of his mind, they came alive as the darkness of the night consumed his room. They knew something was wrong, they must do...

They must realise that Logan wasn't right, but they didn't say anything. They didn't ask if he was okay. They didn't care.

Maybe he deserved it, came the overbearing thought, maybe all the times he had pushed them away was finally coming to take its revenge. Though the thought brought tears to his eyes, Logan made no move to wipe them away. Nights like this were few and far between, and although he hated them, it felt good to cry. To show the emotions that proved he was not a robot. He wasn't.

Another half hour and the thoughts hadn't stopped. Logan had long given up on his attempt to try quieten them, to try push them back to the shadows, try logic his way out. But there was no logic to help him.

As anyone who suffers in anyway with selfhatred knows, it's hard to put an exact time on when you started hating and regretting everything you do. It seems to creep in slowly, and before you know it, it becomes an awful thing to deal with. There's no running away from it, there's nothing you can do to fully quieten the thoughts. But, there are distractions, films, books, music, work. Things that you can do, which can make the thoughts more bearable, even if only for a moment.

Logan didn't know what to do, every distraction he usually used felt distant, too silly for him to do in this moment. Surely someone knew he wasn't right! Or had he been hiding it for so long, did they even know what 'right' looked like on him? Perhaps that why Princey calls him Robot? In his bid to hide the negative feelings from the others, he accidentally hid all feelings from them.

Virgil must know? He has stated in the past that he suffers from things like this. Therefore, he must recognise it in others?

Does he not care?

Or is it too much of a burden to help Logan as well as himself?

Patton also hides his negative emotions. He must be able to see that Logan is also never sad?

Does he not care?

Or is helping Logan expecting too much of him?

Roman has implied that he doesn't feel good enough. Surely he was spot that Logan always relates to this.

Does he not care?

Or is it too much of a kindness to expect for someone like Logan?

The thought came faster and faster. Logan couldn't keep up. The thought at the forefront of his mind, "what is wrong with me?"

Unbeknownst to Logan, Deceit was walking past his room at this very moment and heard this sobbed line, how perfectly timed. Deceit stopped at the door, and leaned against it in order to hear better.

As he did so, his heart stopped.

Heaving breaths and shuddering sobs.

Deceit wasn't very adept to help in this situation. Do you really thing he could just waltz in and talk to Logan? They may not hate him as much as they used to, and Logan certainly held some respect for him and his ability to present an argument logically after the whole court episode. But there is much to be said for the gap between a mutual form of respect and the point of a friendship where it is acceptable to just walk into the persons room and help them through whatever was going on in there.

Deceit stood outside Logans room for another 10 minutes, listening to him sob, feeling utterly helpless. He was going to go back to his room to try and think of something to do, when another shuddering statement broke his heart.

"No one would even notice if I was gone, no one would even care"

A mild panic set into Deceits stomach. Gone? He surely isn't considering....

An idea shot into Deceits mind, and without considering it twice, he started for the kitchen.

A knock on Logans door pulled him from his carousel of thoughts. He stood slowly and checked himself in the mirror by the door. He was a mess. Hair in all directions, glasses halfway off is nose and tear tracks down his face, his tie had been thrown off in a brief fit of rage and his collar was undone. He clicked his fingers and he went back to normal. Pristine hair, clean face, tie replaced and collar perfected into position. Taking a deep breath, he opened to door, expecting to see Roman with a book full of his late night ideas; perhaps a shaking Virgil, looking for a way to calm his midnight thoughts with some of Logans logic; Patton with his arms crossed, telling him to turn off his light and sleep due to the late hour. But it was none of the above, in fact, there was no one there. Logan poked his head out and checked the hall both ways to see if it was a prank by a bored Roman, or maybe if Virgil had backed out at the last minute. But no, there was nothing.

Just about to close the door, something caught his eye on the floor just outside his door.

A plate and a mug.

Not merely a plate, but a cookie and a note. Along with his favourite mug filled with what smelt of hot chocolate.

Logan froze.

Someone heard him crying.

Someone knows.

With a shaking hand, he crouched down and took the note. His heart was in his mouth as he opened the paper to reveal a single line in a neat cursive hand writing.

"I would notice if you were gone, I care"

Logan burst into tears.

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That's part 1

Yeah, I hate me too

I will start part 2 as soon as I've published this one, so hopefully you won't have to wait long for the next bit.

Leave some criticism, love or thoughts in the comments

Stay awesome 🖤🖤🖤