The firefighter's smile

Chapter Fourteen

After closing the door and taking a sit, on the last chair available in the hospital room, the doctor slowly cleared his throat and looked at Severide in the eyes.

Although his health was important, Kelly wasn't sure to want to know what was the result of the MRI. He was scared to receive another bad news.

"Well," the doctor started, "we were worried about the probable permanent damage that could have explained your loss of progress recently. Nevertheless, and happily, it isn't the case."

"That's good news, right?" Charlotte asked.

"It is. However, we need to find out what is preventing progress." He explained before to focus back on his patient. "For that, I need you to talk to me and to tell me the truth. How are you?"

"Down" The Squad's 3 Lieutenant replied lowly.

"That understandable with your situation." The doc tried to reassure him.

"If it's only because of that" Severide murmured almost inaudibly, looking down immediately.

In front of what seems to be a personal problem, the doctor asked politely to Charly if she didn't mind letting them talk only the both of us. She was about to accept when a wrist took hold of her arm.

"No," Kelly refused. "Stay, please!"

Because having her around, would keep him grounded. It would stop him from falling in the deep hole that's his own hell. She was his lifeline.

The doctor only nodded in the direction of the former firefighter and fiancée of the injured Lieutenant.

"Can you tell me when your neck injury happened?"

Severide swallowed hard before to be able to answer.

"It happened three months ago during a call. It was supposed to be a simple house fire but..." He recalled before to stop himself.

"You can do it" the doctor smiled.

"It went wrong. One of the firefighters died. He had been engulfed by the fire. My best friend died because of me." Severide wept, not able to control his growing guilt.

"How that can be your fault?"

"I... I was supposed to vent the back of the house and... and I didn't, and he didn't listen to Casey. The only thing I remembered after that his name have been yelled by Casey is only pain. Pain and guilt." He continued with tears in his voice.

"If he disobeyed orders, how could this be your fault?" The neurologist tried.

"Heather... his wife, she..."

"Did she tell you that it was your fault?" Charly asked him, knowing that talking about it was hard for him.

He nodded.

"Did you believe her?"

"Not at first" He admitted.

"When did you start to believe it?"

"Matt... Casey said it too... he and Heather... right. He had two kids and a beautiful wife, while I had no one left. I should have been the one who died. He shouldn't have"

Charly was taken aback by the disclosure of Severide and couldn't control her tears. However, she was able to wipe them with the back of her hand.

"I have a question to ask you, Kelly" the doctor declared "and I want you to tell me the truth, I'm not here to judge you so is she. Your car accident was it truly an accident?"

And he looked away.

"I hoped they wouldn't find me after what happened at the firehouse. I just wanted to be numb, to take the pain away" he admitted quietly. "He didn't have the chance to live because of me and I wanted to kill myself, how pathetic and miserable is that?"