Sally Face: Memories

Chapter 1: Familiarity

Travis's POV
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Shooting up from the comfort of my bed, my breathing was off the charts heavy and my whole body was covered in a cold sweat. I couldn't breathe, everything just felt so suffocating, like it was all made of smoke and I could do nothing but inhale it all. Swinging my legs over the side of the mattress, I stood on my feet and stumbled a bit before regaining my stance. That dream... Was awful. Wobbling over to my window, I tore open the curtains and nearly knocked the window out of its place while throwing it up. Then the cool autumn air hit me right in the face, soothing me into a state of placid silence while my lungs cleared themselves with the fresh, crisp air. Once I realized my eyes were closed and I was leaning awkwardly out the window, I pulled myself back in and stared out into the big world I call home. Nockfell, is a shitty place. It's full of sketchy places along with people to fit the areas. I never really traveled much around Nockfell, due to the fact that my father would never let me out of the house to do so unless it were for some kind of school project or such, so I only occupied myself in the cookie-cutter community I lived in at that time.. god those greedy, sinful bastards never even won me over as at least okay people not one time. They were all the same... Perfect and I was not. I was the opposite.. a teenager with a rebellious heart and a mind full of nothing but greedy desire. Oh I sure was rebellious alright, rearranging the books in the church library for fun, reading the Bible and taking notes in my notebook for fun, practically begging the teachers to give me more school work to do over the weekends or holidays to get a higher grade than those losers in my class and maybe, just maybe get a small smile from my dad!! Grrrrr!!! Better watch out for Mr. Badass over here!!

Pushing myself away from the window, I felt a small amount of tears well up in my eyes from that last part. I never wanted to be known as a goody-goody... I wanted to be like a normal teenage boy.. skipping school, hanging out with friends, dating... Suddenly my heart sank as the question still remained.. am I okay with who I secretly am now that I'm out of my father's presence? But then again.. there's no saying when he'll just 'appear' out of thin air and give me a good beating for even wearing a single ounce of black on my person. That, my friend, is a fear I shall never get over. A fear of my father constantly watching my every move like I'm a mouse trapped inside some kind of sick and twisted maze that has no reward at the end. Sometimes I wonder if I am nothing but a mouse.. held captive by my father in an endless cycle of torture.. perhaps so, at this point though, I do not care. I'm so utterly numb from all the past mistakes I've made pain is merely a figment of my imagination that is rarely ever brought up.. in fact.. the last time I felt truly in pain from something physical was...
.
.
.
Let's not dwell on that. Bringing myself to the small kitchenette in my apartment, I turned to the fridge and let out a soft sigh to myself. For no reason in particular. Just for fun I suppose.. swinging the door open, I looked around the nearly empty container for something that might catch my eye as delectable, but finding nothing of the sort. Maybe going out to eat will be okay? But... All those stares... And... Whispers... They'll all laugh at me if I even dare show my face out in public after this many years! Everyone expects me to be that perfect little, successful angel my father raised me to be, but I'm not, I'm so tainted with sin, I don't even think the devil wants me! I'm such a dirty, filthy creature, god will never love me! He could never possibly love something so disgraceful and distraught!! I don't blame him! How could he?! Why would he? What's the point? I'm nothing but a disappointment.. a worthless piece of garbage that had no meaning or use in the beginning or the end... I'm not even good enough to be called dirt... Soon enough I snapped out of my rage and found my hand was in great pain. Slowly bringing it up to where my eyes could examine it, I found that I hand sunk my nails into the palm of my hand so hard, blood was seeping between the spaces my nails had created in my skin. Slowly pulling them free, I shook my hand lightly to reduce the pain, only to bring more and walked back to my bedroom. It's the same every day. I go to go outside for the first time in days, and I always end up persuading myself to do otherwise.. never actually making it into the hallway of the apartment complex... I don't even know who my neighbors are... I never answer if they knock.. what's the point if I were to do so anyways? Making friends is not one of my string suits. My years in highschool prove this greatly. I sat alone at lunch, near the fucking garbage cans, I would always get in fights, I never really said anything nice to anyone.. I always made myself look better than everyone with my expensive clothing, my fake, 'dreamy' home life with maids and butlers, gold trimmed limousines, pampered vacations, golfing, community activities, and not to mention the fact that my family has owned the Phelps Ministry for nearly three decades and earns a massive amount from it to this very day. But none of that I'm actually proud of.. yes, I was spoiled, but not by my parents, they would never give me anything, I would earn an allowance, but I always bought my own stuff, my parents had nothing to do with me unless my father had more training for me to go through, which was cutthroat, perplexed, and admittedly exasperating. Tiresome as well. One wrong move and it was lights out for me! Rather it be from my father, or my mother, I wouldn't wake up for a few good hours until my eyes was fully swollen shut. Oh but of course, I forgot to mention the fact of my 'wonderful' and 'pleasant' relationship with my beloved father and mother!! Oh they were the lights of my life, yes they were, always making sure my every day life was furnished with nothing but 'love' from both of them equally and I do wish I could lie and say 'love' without the small quotations forming around the word in my head. Sadly, how can I know the true meaning of 'love'? It certainly was not something I got when I was seventeen. Not even the smallest amount. But... Sal...