Sally Face: Memories

Chapter 9: Occhiolism

Phillip's POV
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Tapping my chin as the thoughts rushed through my head every time I glanced over at him from across the room, I couldn't help but feel a constant nagging from the anxiety I felt in this moment since I came home.. but he seemed to be fine with it?! How the hell is he fine with it?! If he thinks for one damn minute that he fucking deserved this, then he's got to be one of my most wrong people I've ever met. He does not deserve this and he knows it!! Eventually I caught his attention from across the room as he glanced up at me from his current occupation of spooning mouthfuls of the cereal I had given him carefully into his mouth, avoiding the tender area of his busted lip, still bleeding from time to time.

"Whatever is the matter Phillip, you are tense, I can see.."

He patiently awaited my answer, but didn't receive one until it took another call of my name to snap me out of my thoughts.

"P-Phillip?"

Shaking my head, I quickly turned to him from the chair I was sitting on from the kitchenette and nearly fell off rushing to his side. Be seemed surprised by this but stared me in the eyes as he spoke.

"Huh?? What? I.. I'm sorry T, I've just.. got a lot of things on my mind..."

"It is quite alright, Phillip, you have every right to be mad at me."

Mad..Mad at him? I have a right to be mad at him?! Grabbing his shoulders and quickly turning him to me, I then glared daggers into his wide eyes as I spoke slow and blunt to him.

"Travis. Phelps. Why the actual hell, would you say something like that?"

Not screaming, but like I said, applying the words bluntly, leaning closer and closer to him as I went.

"B-Because.. I.. It.. would only be.. be fair I-If--"

Eventually, the slow and steady wins the race phrase didn't make sense to me and I blew up once again. But this anger was not directed towards him, it was directed towards everyone who caused him to think like this.

"No, Travis!! It's not fair!!! It's not fair that your used to this kind of beating, maybe even worse!! It's not fair that you have to continuously got through all this shit that happens to you even when you did nothing to deserve it!!! It's not fair that everyone treats you like shit because they have sticks shoved so far up their asses they can't function properly, and it's really not fair that you keep telling yourself these stupid lies every day of your life to cope with the fact that your not perfect!! And you never will be!! And damnit, Travis, I'm glad your not perfect, because your the most beautiful person I've ever met!! I'm your own, beautifully imperfect, unique way!! And you sure as hell don't need to be telling yourself otherwise because whoever taught you the shit your telling yourself every day when you wake up and every night when you go to sleep is wrong and stupid, and just a horrible person comple--"

Suddenly the realization hit me how hard he was crying.. I.. maybe.. I shouldn't have yelled at him like that... I..

"Do you not think I am aware of how horrible I truly am?! I am very much aware of the fact that I am stupid and wrong and ugly and imperfect I am!! I am well aware of all of this and you teasing me with it is not helping the situation!!! I try, and try, and try and try and try!!! To make everyone happy but it seems even the person I trusted the most could not seem to have enough!! I am sorry I cannot be who you want me to be or who you want me to be, B-But.. I-I cannot d-d-do it-t.. I-I just-t s-simply c-c-cannot d-do it-t... I-I C-Can... Cannot..d-do it-t..."

Tears streamed down his face as he clenched the bowl in his hands tighter and tighter until I feared it may shatter into a million pieces in his hands. His entire body was shaking and his bruised, busted bottom lip was quivering as he stared me in the eyes as I leaned closer and quickly pulled him to my chest, sudden surprise filling his features as I held him as close to me as humanly possible without hurting him further. I should have calmed down before I spoke to him.. he thinks something completely different than what I was wanting him to think..