His Crime

Chapter Eleven

Seconds pass and the words swims in the air. Erick picks up his deserted mug and takes a sip of his lukewarm coffee, while his eyes remain on me.

"Are you serious?" I ask. Even as his eyes scream at me and he spits his words, there's a shimmer of hope that this is a impractical joke and he doesn't dare to threaten me to expose my secrets. But I am wrong.

His jaw twitches, refraining to shout venomous words at me for acting as a fool. Placing the mug on the wooden table beside him, he continues to observe me, refusing to let me disappear easily without a fight.

Declining to answer me, I take that immediately as a 'no'. That tiny clasp of hope swims away, reminding me of my worries. I try to study him, to uncover truths and his intentions, but I'm left empty handed.

"What for?" I ask this time, curious to know his horrid intentions, to know why he wants to ruin Justin and I's relationship, other than for his safety. Whatever he wants, he's keeping it hidden. Erick knows, however hard he keeps it stored away, that I would never want to sabotage Justin's safety. He should know this from my own reactions throughout the years of Justin's abandonment and the guilt that tortured me. He sat with me, multiple times, soothing me and trying to rid me of the pain of Justin's sudden disappearance.

If he doesn't know my true feelings of Justin arriving home, then I don't believe he's the same man that made me promise to not lose hope of Justin's return. If he believes that I deliberately want to send Justin back to prison, because of my hidden relationship with Nick, then the person before me is unknown.

I remind myself that he also thinks the worst of me, creating this false image that I am the enemy, or working alongside the threat. He is also questioning my character, the same as I am for him. Does this really come down to my regretful relationship with Nick, or his lack of trust to me? For once he can't control the situation, so instead he's demanding me to ruin everything so I can remove myself, to remove the one person that he can't seem to trust.

But I also am the person that sabotaged his trust.

I look to him, to his ruffled black hair that's longer than it's ever been, to the stubble that's growing and to the purple areas around his eyes that glare at me. He's painting me to be the bad person, because I kissed one. I danced with the enemy, quite literally, and I want to remain innocent. I can't place blame onto Erick for becoming defensive and wanting to get rid of me, for I am the one that went behind his back to his most hated person on his list.

Erick automatically gained the hatred of Nick from Justin. And if Justin's hate came from first hand experience, I don't want to imagine his reaction. It would be far worse than Erick's silent game, a refrain on his actuality of the situation.

I done this.

I should've known better, to not have involved myself of Nick to remove my guilt of Justin leaving. If I told Justin of my pregnancy, he wouldn't have disappeared. If I made sure he didn't leave, he would've been with me — giving him the perfect alibi. I blame myself for Justin's arrest, because it was my actions that made him vulnerable.

Meeting with Nick and sparking a romantic relationship was the perfect way to stop thinking of Justin, yet still remain in the similar lifestyle of his to remind myself of him.

Erick remains frozen, stuck in the same position he has been since my question. He's pondering my reaction, my intentions and my secret relationship. He wants to remind himself of who I was, or am, and to get rid of the picture of me sitting with Nick in the cafe.

But he can't.

He's the perfect friend, always has been and always will be. The history of Erick's and Justin's friendship and the origin of it are unknown to me, but it's evident they were impactful, both to Justin and Erick to always want to do right by each other. Exposing myself to Justin and shattering our relationship is something Erick has to do, to stand by his morale.