I Am My Own (Reader x Thranduil)

Chapter 18

For the rest of the day I was confined to this room to recover. There had been other activities taking place before the wedding the next day but Thranduil had demanded I stay and rest. He actually ended up posting a guard at the door in case I tried to leave.

Of course, we had an argument about it.

"You are not leaving this room," he'd said sternly.

"Thranduil, I'm okay now. Just a little sore-"

"You are going to stay here to rest and that's final."

"Thranduil, if you think that I'm going to stay here for the whole day, you've got another thing coming."

"This is an order directly from King Oropher."

I raised an eyebrow.

"You haven't even left this room yet."

He grinned. "I know my father well enough to know he'd agree with me, so please just rest."

So it's been more than five hours since Thranduil left me here. My parents and Maewin had all come and visited while Saevel had been charged with watching after me for every second of the day. She'd dab a wet cloth over my skin every hour and check on my fast healing bruises and scratches.

Tomorrow evening is the wedding and I feel completely unprepared. The words "I love you" rattled in my brain. Was he sincere or was he just saying that to make me feel better? I hadn't said it back to him either and I wasn't really for sure if it was because I'm not sure I love him yet or because I'm just scared.

Saevel was humming softly as she scanned over my arm for what felt like to thousandth time. When she was looking down you could see the hard focused look in her eyes. Her high cheekbones displayed a natural beauty unlike any had ever seen. Looking at her now made me think she matured very early in age.

Maybe she would understand.

"He said he loved me today."

I didn't see her eyes turn to me since I kept my gaze focused on the foot of the bed but I sensed her sudden change in movement as she lightly placed my arm back to my side.

"And I couldn't say it back," I continued, "I definitely care about him, but... love?"

I wasn't expecting an answer, I just wanted someone to hear how I felt. Just to get it off my chest. I huffed and closed my eyes to block out the emotional frustration.

"I think your heart will know when the search is over but you have to remember that true love isn't found, it's built."

I looked up at her.

After a moment of silence I finally found the nerve to ask the question that had been scratching at the back of my throat.

"Have you ever been in love?"

The color in her face drained and she whispered, "Once..."

I opened my mouth to ask who but she stood up abruptly and dusted off her dress.

"I believe you are recovering quite well My Lady. May I retire for a bit of rest of my own?"

I noticed her hands shook slightly even though they were clamped respectfully in front of her.

I nodded my head and she quickly turned on her heels and exited the room.

Whatever happened to Saevel's love must have been horrible and I decided then that I would no longer push the subject any further. An elf supposedly only falls in love once in their lifetime and when that love is gone you either deal with the loss or die of grief. I never knew anyone who died of grief but I had heard stories and tragic they were.

About an hour later, Queen Daealla gracefully strolled into my room with at least a dozen servants at her heels. Each carried a different assortments of flowers.

I felt trapped and extremely underdressed so I pulled the sheet of the bed up closer to my chest.

"I apologize for disturbing your rest, dear, but your opinion is needed," she said waving her hand to the side.

The servants immediately responded to this action and stood side by side in a line at the foot of my bed. The arrangements were so large and extravagant it covered most of their faces and I couldn't make out anyone recognizable.

"I'd hate to pick out a flower arrangement you don't like for your own ceremony. Whatever you pick, we'll color coordinate with it."

Completely flustered at the sudden decision I had to make and the subject of true love still pressing hard on my mind made it difficult to quickly make a decision. Honestly, the last thing on my mind was flowers and color schemes.

My head was spinning with blues, pinks, purples, and reds that it took me at least twenty minutes to make a final decision, which ended up being dark maroon, yellow and white assortment.

"A fine choice," Daealla beamed.

She turned to address the servant holding the flowers.

"Put that bouquet in a vase and leave it here. This room needs a bit freshing up. The rest of you may leave."

She took a seat next to the bed and smiled kindly. She gave Thranduil that beautiful smile in the gene pool.

"Those colors will look marvelous in the evening under candle light," she assured me.

I nodded and gave them another look as the elleth adjusted them in the vase.

"Are you feeling alright," asked Queen Daealla.

"Hm? Oh yes, I'm feeling much better. You can't even see the bruises anymore."

Apparently I wasn't very convincing because she reached over and placed her hand atop mine.

"It's okay to be nervous, my dear," she let out a soft laugh," I was practically shaking the day I was preparing for my own feast and ceremony. Not near as nervous as Oropher though. I feared he was going to pass out the moment he took my hand and I'd have to hold him up just so we could get through all of the vows."

She stood up and smoothed her pale green dress.

"Well," she continued, "I must be off. There is much more to prepare for."

I nodded and watched as she took long, graceful steps toward the door. Before leaving, she swirled around and smiled brightly.

"Thranduil cares for you greatly, more than I have ever seen him care for anyone else."

And then she was gone.

I couldn't but feel the twinge of guilt in my stomach as I listened to her light footsteps trail down the hall.

Do I love him?