She Who Loves Death ✓COMPLETE

17. Fall

"It's not your fault, Gracie." Zeke tells me with a warm smile that takes full invasion of his lips. His eyes look even more alive and his face glowing with bright colors.

"Zeke." I mumble, trying to reach for his hand. But something takes me away from him-reality that is. My vision begins to get rid of the haze until all I see is the relieved smile of Malachi and his eyes.

Realizing that I am out of the river unlike the last time I remember, I find myself coughing up water that makes breathing so hard for the last few minutes. It feels like the airways or my lungs are clogged and I run out of oxygen. Or maybe, I did really stop breathing for quite a while.

"Thanks God, you're okay." Kai hisses, his voice trembling, as he quickly wraps me in his arms. My throat is still burning and my breathing is still staggered and low. "Don't do it again, Louisse!" He says, anger and concern evident in his voice this time.

With that stated, I recall myself submitting into the cold water. The entire scene returns to memory-from the relaxing feeling of surrender as the breeze sends me off, from the dreadful feeling of my lungs being pressed down and in need to breathe more air, from the terrible feeling of my lungs burning and my chest being compressed right towards the center with a giant fist and being pulled apart at the same time, until the beautiful moment of feeling the numbness, listening to the slow heartbeats and last few pulses, as I surrender to the quiet repose where darkness eventually takes over. And then, there was nothing else-nothing less, nothing more. It was just all black and there was no more feeling of anything at all. No hatred. No pain.

And I proved once more that death is beautiful. Above all of these, I find myself even more obsessed with death, hoping for another encounter with it and hopefully never coming back to life again.

"You shouldn't have saved me." I manage to utter even in my weak voice and powerless body that relies mainly in Malachi's arms. My throat is still burning. Its surface is swamped with roughness, it makes me cough repeatedly.

"Are you out of your mind?" Malachi shrieks back, his eyes are vulnerably readable while in threat of tears. "It's wrong, Louie. You know that it's wrong!"

"I don't care!" I snap back, my heart constricting again and my eyes emitting warm liquid.

My mother's displeased eyes gazing at me with manifested disdain pose at the back of my mind. The memory of her unspoken hatred reminds me of the consuming pain and like the first time, it still makes me bleed intensely. "I don't care, Kai. I just want the pain to stop. It hurts so much. I am so tired. I want all of this to stop."

"Your life is not yours to take." He iterates, cupping my cheeks with his hand that offers my skin the warmth it needs at the time being. Suddenly, his voice becomes gentler, too gentle it breaks my heart even more.

"And you can't leave me, Louie." He whispers weakly while his forehead rests on mine.

A solemn tear escapes his eyes and later falls down my cheeks. Despite the overpowering weakness I feel all over my body, I am able to push him away from me. The earned distance between us reveals me the sight of him-his bottom lip quivers as he lets out his silent whimper, and his shoulders drop in resignation.

"You can't leave, Lou-ser." His voice weakly trails off even with his attempt of mustering a cheerful voice.

I shake my head stubbornly because in that moment, nothing seems to work to take the pain away-not his words, not his plea, not anything.

"They hate me." I hear myself mumble mindlessly. "I hate myself so much Kai."

Instead of replying verbally to that, Malachi envelops me in his embrace, thus making me feel warm and realize that my body is still soaked in water.