She Who Loves Death ✓COMPLETE

19. Date

As he promised, Malachi drives me home so I could talk to my parents and apologize for our last encounter. I know that I was being too emotional thus leading me to being rude.

It's dad who welcomes me warmly the moment that I walk in the house. Seeing mom just sitting on the couch, not even bothering to look at me, brings me to a pool of tears. Good thing that dad is there to offer me his shoulders for me to cry on.

"I'm sorry dad." I whisper while I seek refuge in his arms. "I'm sorry for how I acted these past days. It just hurts so much dad. I'm sorry."

"Honey, shh. It's okay. I understand." He whispers back, making feel somehow a little better.

I've been sorry for so many times about many things but today is something real. I really mean it. We are not entitled to let others feel how we feel just because we are in pain. No and never will it be right. But it's what I did. I was being so selfish.

Because of that realization, I see myself even more considerate and understanding towards mom. I don't force her to talk to me. Maybe, mom hates me or maybe she just doesn't want to see me yet because I remind her of him. But either way, she has the right to feel that. And I am resting my case now too, I will keep trying to make her see how sorry I am and to be the daughter she wishes me to be.

Since that day I returned home, I never get the chance to visit my apartment or even bother taking my things there. That is why I haven't read the letter from kuya Zeke yet. I mentally become focused on some other things for the past week and I let it slip through my head. Honestly, I just remember about it now because dad and mom are out. They visit some friends since in two weeks, we will be going back to Australia. It's another thing that makes me sad. The idea of leaving is making me uncomfortable. I don't know why but each time I think about it, my heart just feels so heavy.

I am in mom's room while taking in the silence that accompanies me. While sitting on the bed, I have my brother's urn with me, hugging it close to my heart.

"I miss you so much kuya. I wish you're still here."

As a somber smile slides in my lips, a lone tear rolls down my cheeks which I quickly brush away. My heart constricts in familiar pain but because I've been used to having it for years, I manage to be numb about it, hoping to reduce the pain in some ways. But pain is just always what it is—it demands to be felt. Pain is always inevitable.

"If you were here kuya, I know you'd always find a way to make mommy smile."

He was so good at doing that. It even made me used to believe that kuya is mom's happy pill. The monster of jealousy took its chance then to poison me but before I was too consumed by it, I was that little girl who always hides behind her brother when things go wrong. Kuya Zeke would always willingly place himself in the frontline to defend me from mom and her sermons. Kuya would always find a way to lighten the situation and make our mom happy.

When I hear the din of the car driving in the garage, I quickly make my way out of mom's room. Seeing me here won't make her happy. That is one thing for sure. I've seen it—everyday—every morning that I call her down for breakfast or every night when I prepare her a glass of milk before she goes to sleep. She never talks to me. And even so, I feel okay. As long as I am home, as long as I have dad helping me through the painful days, I am okay.

It's been a week since I went home. It's the same length of time that I knew we'd be leaving the country soon. It only occurs to me now why I feel burdened by the thought of leaving because it literally means leaving Malachi.

That guy.

Things would be so different without him. I just don't know what could have happened to me and my life if without him. He has lived his purpose in my life—the purpose God has meant him to be—to be my angel.