Shards of Sanity (Book 6, Forgotten Series)

Chapter Fourteen

I wasn't sure if Ambris' appearance had made things better or worse for the situation with Amelia passing way. On one hand it had helped relieve me of the guilt that I had previous with the thoughts that all that pain from losing Amelia had been my fault. On the other hand it still didn't feel like a good enough trade but there was the thought that if it had to be what it was, then that was okay. Amelia was a loving little girl and the thought that she had been the one to give so many people love seemed fitting.

I was glad that her name would live on, that she would be the only moonborn that would be known to our world. We never thought about the moonborns or their blessings but she was being written into the history that rested in the heart of our world. Her name would travel through time and would forever mark our lives. Amelia brought love and it was bittersweet for me. I was glad that people would feel the ripples of her, that they would get to experience the love that she gave in life but losing her was difficult and it hurt. It was hard to justify that pain, that loss.

I think it was simply too soon for the declaration of the Head Priestess to minimize the pain of the loss, to make anyone feel better about it. I was grateful for it, I knew a lot of people were grateful as well but it was simply too soon. The loss of Amelia would be a heavy and dark cloud that hung over our heads for a long time. It was how it was when there was such a serious death. The fact it was a child made it that much worse for everyone involved.

I had lost Catherine and Bethany and their deaths was all I had. A landslide had taken out the road and with it my future. I had no closure or reasoning of why when I had lost them. It was part of the reason I was partially thankful for Ambris in giving the closure for Amelia's death. There was a clear reason for why she had died, for why Mene had taken her away.

There had been no reason for Catherine and Bethany's death. It had been an unfortunate accident I had been told but it had left this giant hole in my soul. I had no closure with it and with being barred from their funerals and barred from giving them their last rights, it had made it so much worse for me. I felt it was easier to grieve when you had a reason for the loss. It was one thing to grieve a loved one who had succumbed to a long fought sickness or to have advanced notice that they would die. It was another thing to have them ripped away without warning.

The pain was still the same, losing someone you loved hurt regardless of how you lost them but having that reason behind it made it almost easier to bear the longer you were without them. Having that reason there allowed you to accept something that you would not otherwise accept. It would take time and the pain would linger but it would help, perhaps not at the beginning but it would later.

I heaved out a sigh, wanting to shake the heavily melancholy thoughts that were in my mind. Amelia's death had brought up a lot of old feelings I had buried deep within. The loss of Amelia was harsh and it reminded me so much of the loss of my Bethany and of Catherine. I knew it was time to stop hiding from the loss and it was time to work through it but it was hard, the old feelings of loss were mixing with the new feelings and it made my chest ache almost unbearably.

"Can I wear this?" Lilith held up a large t-shirt she had pulled from my dresser drawer and I nodded.

"Yes, you can." I watched as she giggled and put the t-shirt onto the pile of clothes that she already pulled from the dresser. "This?" She yanked out a pair of my jeans and I looked over at her from my place on the bed.

"They will be very big but if you want too, sure." I watched as she tossed the jeans onto the pile and continued to dig in the drawer. It seemed to make her happy to ask if she could wear my clothes or perhaps it was because she didn't have any limits on what I said she could wear. She had no boundaries for her clothing choices because I didn't particularly care what she wore and I could see that made her incredibly excited. I could only imagine what rules Adam had enforced on her to where she would be happy being told she could wear whatever she wanted.