Checkmate (BuckyBarnes x OC)

Back At The Beginning

T"I'm not coming with you, I hope you're aware of that," he kept repeating while he was loading his backpack with just about every thing he could find. He's been scouring through the wreckage since he woke up and I've been following him this whole time, trying to convince him to come with me to Europe.

"Why not? I thought you wanted to go to Romania?"

He froze for a second. His hand hovered in mid-air, holding rifle amo. He then shoved it in the backpack and grabbed a gun. "I am going to Romania. I'm just not going with you." With that he walked out of the damaged barracks.

I was most definitely not content with that. I knew breaking through Bucky's shell was gonna be tough, but I at least hoped he'd want to stay with me. Going solo in living a proper life was a challenge for both of us and neither of us knew how to deal with it. But I at least tried. He just wanted to run. "Didn't you say you thought you lost me? Well, you found me - don't you wanna stick together from this point on? We'd be safer that way and at least we won't have to deal with Hydra's consequences alone."

We both went silent when I mentioned Hydra. I realized he wasn't comfortable talking about it, since he did have more of a history with them than me and even a part of his body belonged to the previously mentioned organisation. I bet he hated his arm. I despised it as well, not even its murderously shining metal and the red star that was brooding on his shoulder in a crimson red color didn't bring me to respect its power. I didn't know about all the lives that thing alone took and I think I'd be good without ever knowing about it. But using Hydra as a bond between us might help.

"Bucky," I stepped closer and put a hand on his shoulder, "I don't want to be by myself... I think I was prepared to kill myself at some point of my journey coming here." I motioned to the camp around us or what's left of it. The wrecks were piling up everywhere and since dawn was breaking the morning fog I could now see just how much of a wreckage this place really was. Bucky's eyes first followed my hand and then landed on me. He was searching my expression just like he'd want to check if I'm not just selling lies filled with pity. He wanted to know if this was only a game I was playing and if he wanted to play it right he needed to learn its history. My eyes ran over his posture - the stoned face was cold, but his body radiated heat of a raging fire. It seemed like there was a tornado running in the man's head at all times, keeping his secrets out of reach or too complicated and scattered for me. He was anything but calm. He maybe learned how to temper his feelings on the outside, but I could see through his cover.

I stood my place and tried to tell him with nothing but my eyes that I'm not playing games, I just want to feel safe. And the only way to reach that is by staying close to the man who looked like poison dressed up in an attractive bottle. Nothing good could come out of it and I was prepared to deal with that. Because I was just the same. I simply couldn't trust a treacherous snake I'd see on the sidewalk if it asked me to take shelter in my home, me being the snake in this case. I couldn't trust myself.

"You want to find a family?" he suddenly interrupted my thoughts, "You had an opportunity of getting one back there and you ran." I knew he meant the Avengers tower. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have Hydra to wait for here so I can shoot their asses, while you go on without me, understood?" I jerked my face away from his intense gaze. His words were sharp and cut deep like razor blades. I shut my eyes closed to hold back salty tears. I wasn't gonna give up just yet, but he didn't have to see my vulnerability.

"And you did the same," I uttered and stumbled through my next sentence, trying to find a good way to put my request in words. I took a breath and spoke again, "I used to love danger, I remember that much. I used to enjoy the thrill of taking lives and the momentum of winning, even if not for the right cause, the same way candlewicks love to burn. But now I'm changed and when I feel danger or even a slight disturbance with my emotion... I'm scared. I don't want to turn to Natasha, I'd become a burden which I don't want to be. I think what I need is to find my life, to relive it and keep what's rest of it. Maybe find a family or start a new one... And I think I need you to reach it. I'm not leaving this place until you either agree to my offer of partnership or one of us is dead."