Glue, my arch-nemesis, sipped his tea. I placed my sandwich back on the fancy, but not too fancy, plate. A cool, soft breeze crossed the outdoor café and tickled my golden-brown fur.
"I've been meaning to ask," I said once my mouth was empty of food, "why is it that villains wear such outrageous costumes?"
The glue within Glue's orange and black containment suit pumped through the tubing making a sloshing noise before he answered. "To be noticed."
"Really?"
He sat down his cup. "There are so many villains nowadays it's hard to stand out. The market is terribly oversaturated." He sighed, creating more sloshing noises. "It used to be all you needed to do was point a death ray at some city and demand a ransom; you'd at least get one do-gooder trying to stop you. Now, they won't even look at you unless you have at least a thousand followers on PostBook."
I shook my head. "I miss the days when all you needed were some tights and a cape."
"Those days are long gone," sighed Glue, looking towards the sky as if he were looking for something. Eventually, he faced me again. "Now, I've got to come up with some fresh new scheme at least once a week or The Algorithm will declare me 'dead' and give my spot to some hotshot doing the 12 Thefts In One Day Challenge. It's getting tough. Just yesterday, I posted a tutorial on proper villain monologuing, and it only got a forty likes."
"That is rough."
"Do you know how hard it is to stay brand-friendly when you're a murderous sociopath? Last week, the video of me poisoning the water supply was demonetized. I had to join a crowd-funding site to make up for the lost ad revenue."
"Just so you know, if you ever need any help...I'm more than happy to pummel you."
"Thank you, Dogboy. You're a true nemesis."
The timers on our Omni-Cuffs sounded. Beep, beep, beep...
"Ooop," I said. "Break's over."
Glue quickly stood then flung the table, spilling the food and drinks. The pink silk tablecloth caught the wind and blew into the umbrella stand of a nearby table. Glue raised his wrist blaster towards me. I jumped from my chair and into a fighting-guard stance.
"Time to die, you Miserable Mongrel!" shouted Glue.
"Not today, villain!"
He fired. I dodged.
_________
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