Tododeku angst

Chapter 21

"I remember each and every one, I saved each note, I burned every word into my memory," Kacchan looked at me in horror. "This is what you want Kacchan." 

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The smile never left my face as I felt the tears dry. 

Kacchan should be happy. Ochako should be happy. 

"Why are you crying?" I asked, my voice shaky. 

I haven't actually said I'm going to kill myself, this was all speculation. 

Even then, just the confession of cutting myself a few hours prior, and the silence at the second question... 

"No..." Kacchan whispered, breaking the deafening silence. "No Dammit!" He shouted. 

He looked up from his feet, and what I saw nearly made me fall backward. 

Tears streamed from his eyes, and his face was twisted. He let out the occasional silent sob. 

Kacchan hadn't cried in years. Why was he crying now? 

The room fell back into an awkward silence. 

Kacchan... crying? Kacchan was always strong. He always won. He never cried when he got hurt. He always had a smile. 

He should be laughing now. Laughing at what a weak pathetic failure I am, at how he's finally getting what he wants. He should be happy for all of this. He caused it. He created it. 

"Why are you crying?" I repeated, managing another grin. He shook his head slowly. 

"Don't you fucking get it!?" He yelled. I flinched away from him slightly. "I never fucking wanted you dead! That gun? Those other assholes did that! I never left a single note! All I wanted to do was be your friend, but I'm not fucking good at any of that shit!" He stopped momentarily to breath, and to halt himself from falling to hard into his anger. 

After taking a few deep breaths he let out a sigh. 

"I did this to you. I fucking made you self harming, suicidal, depressed...." He trailed off sniffling slightly. "I'm sorry," He finished. 

An awkward silence melted through the room again as Kacchan couldn't seem to make up his mind about speaking more or just leaving. 

It was only broken when I heard a knocking at the door. Who could it be? 

I got up from my position on the floor, and looked through the peephole to see who it was. 

"Sh-Shoto!?" I whisper yelled. He was back this early? What happened? Why didn't he just open the door with his key? What am I gonna do? I can't resolve all this in a few seconds!

I flipped around, giving Kacchan and Ochako a warning look before turning back to the door. Maybe no one would bring anything up? 

Of course I should've realized my lucks botched. 

Almost as soon as Shoto entered the apartment, he could sense the tense are, and I could tell Ochako was about to tell him everything. 

"Ochako. Kacchan. Leave." My words were harsh and firm, but I needed them out. My fist shook, and tears clouded in my eyes. No one could ruin this. No one. 

"You know we ca-" 

"Whats going on here?" Shoto cut off Ochako, causing me to flinch slightly. Why was I flinching? 

Ochako looked around the room miserably, trying to think up a good explanation. Kacchan swooped in for her rescue, and my demise. 

"Your boyfriend here-" He jabbed a finger at me, "Is supposedly gonna kill himself soon. I'm out." Kacchan left in a huff, not giving Shoto time to react. It was insane how quickly Kacchans mood went from endearing to mean again. 

Shoto turned to me, but I looked down at my feet. 

"Is this... true? Are you okay Izuku?" He asked, taking a step towards me. 

I shook my head miserably. 

I'm taking him out on a date tonight. 

I'm writing a note for my mom. 

I'm jumping off a bridge tomorrow. 

These thoughts ran through my head as I saw Shoto's face shift from confusion to worry. He took another step towards me, reaching his hand out. 

I felt panic squeeze my heart as I looked down at his outstretched hands. I stumbled backwards, tears burning at my eyes. My vision became wobbly and I felt fear seize me. 

Not now not now not now not now!!

I fell back against the wall and sank to my knees, clutching my hands over my ears. 

Not now not now not now not now!!

I gasped as I felt my throat close up. I could've sworn I heard shouting, but it was masked with a bubbly sort of aura. I couldn't even think as I felt my conscious slip. 

Why?

I thought one last words before I blacked out. 

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Aw jeez this is a fricaking short chapter. Like literally the shortest chapter I've written in this fic so far. But, I know I left ya'll on a cliffhanger so I decided to update today even though it's late instead of tomorrow so you guys will have some peace! ><'

Anyway, If you haven't noticed already I like to post about the update schedule of my fanfictions on my profile. If your ever curious about when the next chapter will show up, look there. 

I do not know what the schedule will be like from here on out, but I do now my laptop is my only survival peace, and I will probably write a lot more than usual. 

Now, votes and comments are appreciated, thanks for checking out this fanfiction and staying with it all the way to chapter 21, and I hope you guys have a fun rest of the day (Or night)!