cheated on | JENSOO

20【MINDLESS REGRETS】

[Irene's POV]

"Chu . . . Oh my God, what have I done?! Oh, God. Chu, I'm so sorry. . ." I cried out to the fading Jisoo as I pulled myself out of her and scamper around for my clothes.

I go a long ways to retrieve my belt as it was completely far away from where my pants had been discarded and realize upon touching it what I had used it for. What I had done to Jisoo. What I'd put her through.

Too many thoughts swarm my mind and I feel as though I'm going to throw up, hopefully retch up all of the bad memories. I feel nothing but regret. I feel disgusting and completely vile. But mostly, I feel entirely unlike myself.

I'm a fucking monster.

The woman I see, lying sweaty and unconscious on her own living room floor, means the entire world to me. I've never felt such an intense love for anyone since I've been alive. No one has affected me the way Jisoo has. No one. And no one ever will. Yet I've gone and destroyed the last bit of himself that I'd left for her to hold together so long ago.

I never meant to do something like this.

Ever since the beginning; ever since I first met her and we'd started dating officially, becoming closer and closer to one another until there was absolutely no room left to squeeze between us, I'd found myself obsessed with the idea of having her all to myself. I wanted her for me and only me--even if I was allowed someone else to satisfy any of the needs she had deprived me of, anything she had yet to give me. She was always supposed to be mine and no one else's.

Mine.

But she caught me cheating and broke it off with me. At the time, I couldn't correctly see the damage I'd done to her. I thought she'd get over it within a day or two and I'd be back with her where I belong. But a day or two turned into a week or two, which turned into a month or two, then years. She pushed me aside, and left me alone for years.

Three years. . .

During that time frame, filled with the pain that accompanied losing something I held truly dear because I was dumb, restless, and ended up cheating, I did all I could, absolutely everything within my own power . . . to get rid of every one of the girlfriends she got with after me. Dispose of each of the girlfriends she comforted himself with.

I couldn't get a natural handle on the overwhelming greed that took over me whenever I'd see her laughing and holding hands with someone else. Anyone that was not me. I had to have her back at all costs. She was mine and I don't even think she, or anyone else understood that.

All mine.

I'd watch her leave her house and go to work on the days I had a day off, or was on my break. I knew what time she'd leave work, what days she had off, and when her vacations started. I knew her everyday routine, and without her knowing, I was a part of it.

I was purely her personal stalker.

I remember when she packed her bags and moved away. I remember when she met that damn dark brown haired cat, when they started dating, and when she moved in. I remember how my blood boiled and how my eyes bulged at how happy she seemed. How she seemed to have forgotten all about me.

How she hated me, and now loved her. . .

I couldn't take the pain that shocked my core.
And my routine started all over again, but this time, I crept closer. My eyes opened wider, and my mind set deeper. From observing closely, I could tell that Jennie was that kind of fool that I couldn't and will never be able to get rid of. It pissed me off at how much even I, Irene, could tell she loved her. Her love overflowed like a goddamn sparkly pink beacon.

But no one could love Jisoo as much as I do. There was no room in my mind for that kind of knowledge, and I figured that if I corrupted that dark brown-haired fool's loyalties, it would be my ticket back to my love.

I remember being completely prepared to do anything I could to get her back at this point. I needed her in my life.

I got Jennie, Chu found out, broke up with her. Jennie left me, I was secretly happy, but was pissed out of my mind when Jisoo got with that Jinyoung guy, another fucking obstacle.

Jennie interfered, that Jinyoung guy and Chu broke up. I was severely happy. Severely pissed. Suddenly saddened. Depressed.

And from here, it all went downhill. I was feeling so bad that I went out for a drink to hopefully relax myself. To soften the blow.

I remember that.

I drank, thinking intensely about Jisoo, Jennie, that Jinyoung guy, myself, Jisoo.
Jisoo . . . Jisoo.

Mine.

Then, I remember nothing.

Now here I am, terrifyingly sober and having bright flashes through my mind of my recent sin, feeling completely like a filthy bag of shit knowing what I've done.

Several tears roll down my face as I fasten my belt buckle and find my shoes. I glance one last time at the love of my life, the woman that I have raped into oblivion, before slipping silently, blindly, out into the night sky.

I ran out to my car, escaping the scene of my crime, and very nearly wished myself dead as the worst part of it all was that I thought it was just a terrible dream at first, my raping Chu over and over again. Waking up to find that it wasn't at all a nightmare was the worst discovery of my life.

I regret it.

I slip into my car and cry with my head against the steering wheel, trying to soften my sobs. Here, I beg for forgiveness. From GodJihyo, from Chu.

Please forgive me.

But this begging will have no effect. I know this already. I'm well aware that GodJihyo won't take pity on me, because Chu didn't deserve this. She never asked for a life like this one. . .

I'll never forgive myself.

☁️💫

A/N: Again, I'm sorry I made Irene a horrible person. Sorry. She's a wonderful person in real life so please don't hate her.