Let's Not Fall In Love

Chapter 33

“Do you still not know who she is?” The question hung heavy in the night air.

Jiyong looked straight into Dara’s nervous eyes. His dark eyes twinkled with a light sheen of moisture reflecting the muted glow of the deck lights. After some moment of silent staring, before the water in his eyes could overflow, he broke the eye contact raised his eyes in to the night sky and cleared his throat.

Jiyong was about to say something but Dara’s timid voice cut through the silence, “It can’t be me, right?”

Jiyong narrowed his eyes at her suddenly filled with an unreasonable fury with her, with himself and with the situation they’ve both put themselves in. “Why can’t it be you, Dara? Tell me for God’s sakes why do you think it can’t be you? Damn it. I have loved you my whole life so why can’t it be you? Why make me sign that f*cking, stupid contract all those years ago? Why can’t I love you and why can’t you love me?” He had unconsciously grabbed her shoulders as he let loose all his anger and frustration. When he saw her flinching a little he abruptly let go of his grip.

Dara cringed at the anger in his tone. She swallowed convulsively. “Because I was young, stupid and scared of losing you altogether.” She took a shaky breath before continuing, “And I was madly in love with you but I was an insecure teenager who felt inadequate next to you all the time. You’re amazing and I’m just me. Maybe, that’s why. Or maybe because I was and still am just a fool who doesn’t know what she’s doing when it comes to loving you. I don’t think I deserve you, Ji.” The tears were cascading down her face by the time she said the last sentence in a barely audible whisper. She covered her face with her hands, crunched herself into a quivering, sniveling ball and attempted to bury herself into the corner of the sofa.

He scooped her up and embraced her, curving his body around her small frame. His fury now forgotten in the face of her misery, he settled his chin on top of her head and wrapped his arms around her. She stiffened at first but when he start patting her back, that was the last straw for her. Her little hands grabbed onto his hoodie and she bawled all her pent up emotions against his chest. She wasn’t the only one who was crying. He was swiping his hand against his eyes from time to time all the while as she was crying her heart out. How long the moment lasted nobody knew but he held her until her sobs quieted to little snivels.

“We’re a pair of stupid idiots. We deserve each other.” Jiyong made a weak attempt at a joke when they have both finally calmed down. Dara shifted, he tightened his arms in response afraid that she would jump up and leave but she only moved to shift into a more comfortable position in his arms where she could comfortably look into his face.

“You cried,” Dara observed as she saw his puffy eyes and red nose.

“Real men cry, you know,” Jiyong proudly said. Dara rolled her eyes at him.

“But seriously, Dee, why did you make me sign that contract before?” Jiyong asked her again. There was no longer any trace of anger in his tone, what was left now is the desire to understand her motives then.

“Bom and Top had a fight on that night remember? That’s why we girls got ourselves drunk in the first place. They were the best of friends, too, before they became a couple. That fight they had was the worst. The whole group was a mess because of that fight. Before they were a couple they were so close, almost like the two of us. But then after that fight they couldn’t even stand being in one room with each other. Our kiss that night shook me, Ji. It happened so close after their fall out. I like the feeling of kissing you so much but at the same time I wanted to erase it from my head. I looked at them and I looked at us. I couldn’t imagine a future like that with you. It was an easy choice for me at that time. I thought becoming a couple would eventually lead to being like Top and Bom. I couldn’t risk losing you like that.” Dara told him.

“We’re not Top and Bom, Dee.” Jiyong said after she finished telling him her reasons. She sighed, “I know. But I was stupid. I actually still am stupid.” She laid her head tiredly on his chest.

“Signing that Let’s Not Fall in Love contract hurt me, Dee.” Jiyong told her. “But I couldn’t stand losing you also so I signed.” They both signed a contract drafted by a certain rabid Dara. Between the two of them they have probably signed dozens of contracts since they were kids, all of them drafted by a certain rabbit. He had been perusing contracts since he was a kid. This was probably one of the reasons why he finally settled into becoming a lawyer.

The contract mentioned something like whoever falls in love with the other party will move out from the house. The house was jointly owned. Before his death, Dara’s grandfather had willed the property to both of them. The contract she drafted stated that the party who falls in love first would move out from the house and would also pay the fees to transfer the whole property to the other party. The contract, of course, wouldn’t be honored by any self-respecting court of law but then it showed to Jiyong how averse Dara was to them falling in love with each other. He would always put her needs and wants first. So he honored that promise.

“Pfft. You have a nice way of showing you were hurt.” Dara scoffed at him. “You were so hurt a week later you were dating Jupal.”

Jiyong ran his fingers through his hair. “She found out I was in love with you. She saw me while I was painting in the art club’s studio. She saw me covering up some graffiti I painted. She was able to take picture evidence. Anyone with half a brain would know I was fucking in love with you if they saw what I did. I asked her not to tell anyone, she told me I had to make it worth her while. She wasn’t in love with me, either. She just needed the popularity. She needed a trophy boyfriend to flaunt against Nana. They were competing in one of those Campus magazines that were popular those days. The girl with the highest votes would be offered a modeling contract. Big Bang was at its peak during those days.”

Dara stared at him in disbelief, “I thought all along she’s the only girl you’ve loved because she’s the only girl you’ve officially and exclusively dated.” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. “I saw her name still in your friends list. Are you sure she’s not the girl for you?”

He flicked his finger on her forehead. “Ow. That hurt, you jackass.” She slammed her forehead onto his already red nose.

“Ouch. You behave. Stop acting like a jealous rabid rabbit.” Jiyong grabbed at his nose. “We’re just casual friends. How could I be into her when I already have my hands full with you? Chasing you down everywhere and trying to keep up with your admirers that keep showing up everywhere is a full time work.”

“What admirers? I’m practically a nun. You, on the other hand, are a certified Casanova. Making girls fall in love with you but never making any commitment.”

“If those girls ever broke their hearts over me, it’s entirely their fault. Every time I go out with any girl I always make myself clear that I am in love with someone. The guys think that maybe making you see how girls are into me might make you realize there’s nothing wrong with falling for me. So every now and then they would introduce those girls willing to go on a date with me. Those girls know from the onset that I’m not really dating them.” Dara’s eyes widened, surprised that she didn’t find out about it for so long. “No, effing way. You can’t be real?” she asked in disbelief.

Jiyong continued. “I’m not kidding. I have asked them why they agree. Some would say they wouldn’t say no to a free meal. Others would say they think they might be able to change my mind. I’ve even met horny ones who went out on a date because they wanted to get some.” Dara was pinching his side and ended it with a twist of her fingers. He hissed in pain. “Ouch. Stop that. I’m not some randy animal who would just f*ck anyone.”

Dara sighed once again. “What did I do to us? I shouldn’t have made us that stupid contract, right? We’ve become like this because of me and my stupid contracts.” She sighed in self reproach.

“It’s not your fault, Dee. I allowed you to take the lead in everything with our relationship. No matter what I wouldn’t be able to say no to you. If I wasn’t just as scared as you I would have scrapped that contract from the start and asked you to be my girlfriend. We would probably have ten kids running around the house by now.” Jiyong mused.

Dara’s face went beet red at the mention of having their kids running around the house. “Ten kids?!?” She spluttered at his sentence. “I’m not a pig, you maniac?!?” She jumped and threw a pillow on his head before heading down the steps. A few seconds later she came back, threw him a dirty look and grabbed the remaining pastries on the coffee table. “You’re talking nonsense about having ten kids! I’m not a pig, Kwon Jiyong!” She went down the steps again with her cheeks huffing and puffing and her chin high up in the air.

He chuckled down the steps after her. “Pigs aren’t the only ones who have multiple births. Rabbits can also have them, you know.” He jokingly called out after her. She looked back at him with a swift glare, picked up her pace and scurried away intent on hiding her flushed cheeks from him. She wasn’t really angry. But the thought of bearing Jiyong’s kids gave her this tingly feeling that the Ahjumma in her couldn’t quite understand yet. So she hid her flustered feelings with a fit of indignation. Jiyong used to her antics when she’s flustered, smiled and calmly followed her back inside the house.