Fight for me (Completed)

Chapter 25

Authors Note:

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Amy's POV:

I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I need more makeup. I have pulled my hair in a messy bun but I consider letting it free.

Ethan used to like it when my hair was not tied up. Should I dress to please him?

Will it give me confidence? Will I have a panic attack again when Ethan tries to touch me?

It's been a month since I asked Ethan to help me. Yet, I haven't made any real progress in overcoming my fear of touch. I have only allowed him to hold my hand and touch my shoulders. Anything other than that I freak out.

On that day, when Ethan pointed out how I have let him hold me or how I have jumped into his arms a couple of times, I was hoping I will magically overcome my fears and become like Kate, confident and sassy.

But nothing close to it has happened. I can't entirely take the blame, as Ethan and I have spent very little time since then. Between my classes, Ethan's busy schedule and keeping this a secret from Kate, we rarely got any time the first two weeks.

After Kate moved to Geneva for her work, Ethan spent more time with me so I was hoping to make a giant leap but staying alone for the first time since the attack was making me paranoid. Every little sound was making me anxious. I developed insomnia making me tired and stressed which didn't help matters.

Dr Karv said I associated being lone to loneliness and I am freaking out because I am scared of being alone. She suggested that I work on one thing at a time and let me decide if I want to work on my fear of touch or my fear of loneliness.

I decided I will work on my fear of touch with Ethan since it was the logical choice. With Kate in Geneva, I didn't have to lie to her every time I met Ethan. I hate lying to her.

I moved into Ethan's guestroom couple of days back to avoid being alone which also gave us more time to work on my haphephobia. But Kate isn't happy about it. She insisted I stayed with James and finally James had to step in and coverup for me. I once again told James that it's better if Kate knew about my arrangement with Ethan but James is adamant that Kate will not understand.

I pull myself from my thoughts and stare at my reflection. Any amount of makeup will make me look as gorgeous as Ethan's ex-fiance Sandra. According to the media, I was the reason behind their breakup. When Ethan spent too much time with me, Sandra got upset and broke off the engagement. I tried to brooch the subject a couple of times, to tell him that I am sorry for affecting this relationship and I am ready to talk to Sandra and explain everything. But Ethan brushes me off every time I bring up Sandra. He said I shouldn't worry about her. But, I feel guilty for breaking their relationship.

I take a deep breath to try to overcome my inferiority complex, apply my cherry lip balm and go to the living room. Ethan is back from office and has changed to a blue jean and black firm fit henley which shows off his toned abs. My body heats up looking at him. He looks devastatingly handsome in his casual clothes.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am affected by him every time I am in his presence. However, I have learned to ignore the warm fuzzy feeling and act normal. But for some reason today, I am not able to control his impact on me.

I try to busy myself flipping through Netflix and not blush. Soon Ethan is next to me, handing over a cup of coffee. His body touches my sides and my first instinct is to move away. But I curb my urges and stay put. This is a part of the therapy to repeatedly touch me so I get used to it.