MRS. COLLINS

17. temporary

NICK

The plan is working a little too well.

It was to make Rachel fall in love with me but I didn't realize then how easy it would be to fall in love with her. When I told her that I could really fall in love with her, I meant it. That's when I knew. That's when I realized that this game of mine was dangerous. But I didn't stop.

It's physically impossible for me to not touch her or kiss her now.

She is all I think about.

I've screwed myself. This is what happens when you play the love game. It feels like I'm at the end of the game, staring at the words: Congratulations, Nick! You played yourself!

I tried to pretend that what I'm feeling for Rachel is temporary, that it's just lust. That's why Linda was in my office yesterday. I didn't want to resist her. I wanted to prove to myself that I'm still the same man I was months ago before I decided I wanted to trick Rachel into loving me, before I found out about her and the photographer.

So I made a poor decision and allowed Linda to try to seduce me. And then I saw the hurt in Rachel's eyes and I regretted it instantly. How do I want her to take me serious when I'm making stupid decisions like that?

That's why I've made a decision. I made it this morning as soon as I woke up and realized how lucky I am to have her by my side. I sealed my decision this morning when I kissed her outside of her office, in front of everyone, in front of the photographer. I want to fight for her. I want to show her that I'm serious about her. I want to show her that this isn't just a game anymore. I'm all in. It all begins now.

Starting with breaking things up with Linda.

I can tell by the look on her face as she walks into my office that she has another idea of why I've asked her to come.

"Hey, babe," she says as she locks the door behind her.

I sigh because I hate it when she calls me that and she knows it.

She walks straight to me, around my desk. "What do you have time for?" She asks seductively.

I look at her as she gets on her knees in front of me and reaches for my belt. I stand up quickly, making the chair roll back on the floor. "Whoa. That's not the reason I asked you to come."

Linda looks confused and even a little disappointed. I hate that I feel flattered. I'm such an asshole. "It's not?" She asks in a small voice.

"No," I say calmly. "Come on, stand up," I say reaching for her hand.

She looks confused but she walks around the desk and sits down. I reach for the chair and pull it up then sit down.

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to like what you're going to say?" She asks suspiciously.

I look at the face that I once thought was the most beautiful face. That was before my eyes were opened to Rachel's simple beauty. Linda and I had a great arrangement going on for the past few months. It's an arrangement I'm sure most men would kill for. The thing about it is that it's always been temporary. Linda and I would have sex or do other things and it would feel good but it would all come to an end in a matter of minutes. That's why I sought someone like her. I needed someone to help me relieve some stress, someone to help me forget the real problems. It was temporary. I've always been honest with Linda. She's always known what this is. Not that it matters. No woman ever wants to hear a man tell her that she was temporary. I know I need to be careful about how I tell her but I don't know any other way to say this.