A Heart's Struggle

Chapter 10- "Funeral"

*Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the tiny glints of snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake up in mornings hushed.
I am the sweet uplifting rush.
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die.*
Authors P.O.V

The next morning Crystal woke up in her bed and with an excruciating head ache. But when she woke up, she didn't exactly get up. Crystal laid in bed for an hour, replaying last night in her head and also denying it. She remembers being woken by Saul, she remembers running into the hospital, she remembers seeing the pain look in Aureilys eyes, she remembers yelling and throwing things, she remembers running through those swinging doors. Most importantly she remembers seeing Erica's body and that image stayed in her mine for a while. Soon enough as expected 1 hour turned into 2. Crystal didn't want to get up for she knew that if she did, she would have to face the fact that Erica is dead. Her first love, the person she'll ever truly love is gone and never coming back.

Eventually Crystal got up, but slowly. She sat in her bed and stared at herself in the full length mirror standing infront of her. She looked horrible, her hair was in a messy bun that was falling apart, her eyes were blood shot red from all the crying she did, her cheeks stained with tears and there were bags under her eyes as if she hadn't slept in days. And she felt like it too.

After another hour of silence passed Glori finally came in to check on Crystal. Glori opened the door and became face-to-face with her heartbroken daughter, both of their eyes blood shot. Glori has been doing some crying herself. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds then Crystal ran into her mother and embraced her into a tight hug that was oh so desperately needed.

They ended up on Crystals bed cuddling while they cried together. Glori ran her hand through crystals hair and rubbed soothing circles into her back while whispering "I know, I know " repeatedly to Crystal while she moped "she's gone, she's gone forever and I can never get her back." And weeped soft sobs.

After a while Crystal fell asleep and Glori left. But not before whispering " I know, I know. But you only know you love her when you let her go and you need to let her go. She's not coming back."

Soon after Crystal had woken up again. Crystal sat on the floor with Aria looking through a photo album Erica had given her on Valentine's Day. For Crystal honestly and genuinely misses her sarcasm, laugh, her addictive smile and her big alluring brown eyes. For every picture she looked at the more she missed her, the more her heart longed and ached for her.

Although Erica wasn't with her and she knew she couldn't hear her, she had to say something.

"I know your smiling down at me saying everything's okay," she started, whipping away a tear that was threatening to fall." But I wish that I could hold you now, I wish that I could see your face or be with you some how. I'm sorry I couldn't get to you." She speaks aloud

But Crystal was wrong, she was oh so wrong. Erica was there, Erica could hear her. Although Crystal couldn't see her, Erica's spirit was there sitting next to her weeping along with her.

"I guess this is it, my final words. I really do wish the best for you even though it hurts, I hope you find another dude. I really do want you to be happy. Don't mourn but when ever you look up at the sky and see a star, think of me. Please don't cry, remember love remains humble when your world seems to crumble. I love you Crystal Cameron " Erica said, although she knew Erica wouldn't hear her it had to be said.
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*There is this story about a girl who meets a girl when she's just brand new. And like some girls that meet other girls. She falls in love and it makes her old. And when she dies with love for the girl , right there in her young girl heart. Her life ends but the story goes on. Because like some girls who meet other girls when their just brand new. They end up writing this story. And it's with the blood that spills from her young girl mouth. That stains all those pages pink. Smelling so sweetly of love and of lovely death. Because there's no such thing as life free from cruelty. There is only love and pain and tears that shine as bright as silver tipped arrows. Because this is what young girls do and this is how strong girls die.*