Where There's Light | ✔

35. Earthquake

"J, put the phone down. You're starting to look a little pathetic."

Bee was right. Nolan still hadn't messaged me back. I was starting to hear phantom rings, causing me to pull out my phone every three seconds. I dropped my phone in my bag, putting in the backseat next to Taylor's car seat. Somehow that didn't stop me from looking down at my lap for my phone every other second.

Since Nolan was still MIA Bee helped me get Taylor to Tiny Sprouts. Bee was in a better mood than when I saw her that morning. We hadn't talked about what was bothering her, but I had a feeling it had something to do with Gia. She didn't eat lunch with us that day. When I really thought about it I couldn't remember Gia eating with us at all that week.

Not that I've noticed much lately other than Nolan. Like the goofy way he laughed or the way my fingers fit perfectly between his or the long hugs he gave me after lunch like he needed something to hold him over until we saw each other again during sixth period. Or maybe it was a regular hug that I put too much meaning on.

That was becoming a problem for me. I constantly over thought every interaction between us, searching for clues. Did he feel the same way I did or was he just playing the part? Not knowing was driving me crazy. I didn't know how much longer I could keep the feelings I had hidden.

A sharp pain in my arm yanked me from my thoughts. Bee pinched me. We made it to Tiny Sprouts.

"You were thinking about Nolan again, huh?"

My cheek went warm as I rubbed my arm where she pinched me. "I'm just worried."

"You should tell him."

"That I was worried about him?"

"That you're in love with him," she said, simply. A sad smile appeared on her freckled face. "I think he likes you too, but he won't admit. Not on his own, at least."

My brow cinched together. She never talked like that. I had to ask, "What happened with Gia?"

Bee let out a heavy sigh as she fell back against the seat. "I told her I loved her."

My jaw dropped. "You've never said that to anyone you've dated."

"Exactly!" She exclaimed. "That's why I pretended like I didn't remember saying it."

"Bee!" Why was I even surprised that she'd pull something like that? She avoided commitment like I avoided phone calls from my father.

"I know." She buried her face in her hands. "She saw right through my shit. She said she couldn't be with me if I wasn't going to take our relationship seriously."

I wanted to tell her she was being ridiculous. It was obvious she felt deeply for Gia, otherwise she wouldn't be that broken up about her. But it wasn't what she needed at the moment. Instead I reached over and gave her hand a tight squeeze.

A tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away, sniffling. "That's why you need to tell Nolan how you feel before you're in too deep. You have to find out where he stands. I don't want you to end up like Gia—in love with someone too cowardly to admit they feel the same way."

There was a beat of silence as I let what she said settle in. She wiped a few more tears from her face before continuing. "I know we're in high school and five years from now it'll be Nolan who? but he matters now and that's counts for something right?"

I ran what Bee said over and over again in my head as I took Taylor into Tiny Sprouts. When I asked Bee to take me to Nolan's house I still hadn't decided if I would take her advice or not. There were only a few months until prom. I could hold on to my feelings for a few more months if I really tried.