Untitled

Catch up television

A week has passed since Ryan started at the school. We haven't spoken about what happened between us that day on my back porch.

Our friendship has become more mutual though.

Noah doesn't really talk to me at school, although I don't actively try to engage in conversation with him either.

We meet up out of school occasionally however, he came to my work to pick me up and take me home on Tuesday and Thursday. On Sunday I went to his house again too.

Our friendship is doing great, as is our playful flirting and physical attraction. I don't feel an emotional connection with him though. Not anything that is more than platonic.

Noah is kind when it's just me and him, away from the statuses and cliques. When we get introduced into that environment we both kind of transform into different people. Him more cocky and arrogant. Me more submissive and shy.

I suppose that it just what school does to a person.

"I don't think I want to keep doing the 'hooking up' thing Noah." I reveal to him on Friday afternoon. We are laying in my bed, me in his arms. Post sex.

"What do you mean?" He asks curiously.

"I'm attracted to you, entirely. Have been for a while if I must be honest. Being this intimate has been good, yet I can't afford too much time dedicated to something that isn't keeping myself afloat. It's selfish - I know. But it isn't good timing."

"Harp. That's not selfish, you need to look after yourself before you can look after another person. I'm glad you decided to call this off, if it carried on any longer I'm afraid I might start catching feelings."

"Me too," I whisper. I'm upset. We were never together, I know this. Yet for a long time I had been lusting after Noah, then as soon as I got him I needed to let him go. "You're a perfect person Noah. It's just the timing that's ruining it."

"I'm not angry Harp. I admire you. You prioritise which is important. You are mature due to being forced to grow up faster than you should need to. I have the upmost respect for you Harp."

"As do I to you. It has just happened so quickly and so strongly" I respond. "Still friends, but just friends."

"Of course."

•••

*guys, can u come over rn*

I send the text to the group chat between Lily, Ryan and me. I thought I'd want to be alone once Noah left but I don't.

I'm saddened but not crushed. I just need a distraction.

*On our way.* Ryan responds.

*u text like a grandpa* I shoot back.

*At least I don't look like one.*

Rude.

It take Ryan and Lily 15 minutes to arrive so I can assume Ryan picked lily up on his way here.

"Is something wrong?" Lily greets me with, slight concern showing on her face.

"Yeah, but not really."

"What's is it?" Ryan asks, plopping himself down on my couch.

I look down and place a hand on my stomach, pouting a little. "I'm pregnant."

"WHAT?" Lily explodes, and Ryan face pales.

"Kidding." I smile, ignoring the angry looks I'm getting. "I broke it off with Noah."

"Aw babe." Lily sympathises.

"I thought you weren't together though." Says Ryan.

"We weren't, bit I told him we can't keep shagging each other. I need to be more focused."

"Who says 'shagging'? Are you Austin Powers?" Lily says.

"Come on man. I need love right now, not to feel so attacked."

Ryan moves closer to me, placing a hand around my shoulder and pulling me into his chest. "I'll love you."

I feel my eyes well up.

"It's like, I really like attention." I say, earning a chuckle from the two. "But I feel guilty about getting it too."

"Stop being so selfless Harper. You shouldn't need to be looking out for everyone all the time." Ryan tells me, rubbing my shoulder with his hand.

I close my eyes, content with the feeling.

•••

Another week passes. What's there to update?

I've started actively trying to be nicer to Ryan. I realise that my coldness may not have been that called for. I take 60% of the blame for that.

I think that part of the reason I've been making more of an effort is the small physical attraction I've been feeling towards him.

I've noticed small, intimate gestures over the last week that can be held down to one of two things;

- absolutely nothing, just me reading into friendly notions. Or,

- Ryan expressing his attraction towards me.

Now listen. As previously mentioned, I'm a big fan of attention. Hypocritical maybe - due to me dodging my mums calls. But attention is great.

These small bits of constant attention makes my heart explode, and since I began to notice them, I look out for them.

Sure, I'm not going to do anything with this lead. I'll pretend to ignore it until it stops happening. But it's definitely there for now.

•••

Two weeks have gone by. Rumours are around that Noah has joined a gang. I don't believe them but Lily does.

She keeps on coming up to me and demanding I question him about it, but we haven't really spoken for a while. Just smiles in the corridor.

Noah doesn't seem to be denying the rumours publicly but hasn't supported them either. I think that he thinks it makes him cooler, in my harsh opinion.

Other than that, Ryan and I have been promoted by Cupid into the 'flirting' stage.

Who knows if it's one sided or not, but I find it fun.

Wait! I forgot to mention that I'm a huge bitch. I made out with this guy called Josh at a party and Ryan didn't talk to me for about 12 hours.

Back to what I was saying. I like flirting, it's easy. Also Ryan's hot.

To reiterate this point, Audrey is fucking after him. And me, but in a different way.

Between every class, Audrey digs her claws into his arm and drags him off to force feed him a love potion made out of puppies and $50 perfume.

It'd be great if she stopped.

But that's it. All caught up. Don't you dare miss a month of my life again or we'll have a problem.