Train Wreck (Inabber - Fraser Macdonald)

Telling Him.

After getting Alex situated in my room and moving my stuff into Fraser's, I changed into a pair of shorts and a vest top and climbed into bed beside Fraser who was reading a book so that he could review it for his video next week. 

I moved closer to him, taking the book from his hands, marking the page and placing it on the bedside table before turning back to him and taking his hands in mine. "It's from a bullet" I said. Fraser furrowed his brows before opening his mouth, "What?" I removed one of my hands from his motioning towards the cut on my face before placing back where it was. "So you were shot at?" Fraser asked horrified as I nodded in confirmation, "Well, are you okay? What happened? Does it hurt? Why would someone shoo-" I cut off his questions by pulling him into a slow kiss. As we pulled away I noticed Fraser hadn't opened his eyes yet. He let out a light sigh before opening them allowing me to see that they were now glossed with tears, "I don't like seeing you get hurt" I gripped his hands tighter, "Believe me Fraser this is nothing compared to everything else going on at the moment" Fraser furrowed his eyebrows once again, "What are you talking about?" he asked confused. 

"The accident last month. We- there was-" I paused for a moment trying to gather the right words. Fraser waited for me to speak, squeezing my hands in reassurance, "There was a multivehicle accident. It started with us- the ambulance. A girl we treat, Mia. She jumped off the bridge into the road in front of us. We hit the barrier and flipped. There were cars and a lorry, people died. Sam died and it was all our fault" I finished explaining, tears beginning to make their way down my face as my breathing became short and uneven. Fraser wiped the tears away gently, "How is that your fault?" He asked in a soft tone, "We were with her earlier that night, She told us she was suicidal but we left anyway. A call came through on the radio's for one of the doctors she had an arterial bleed so we left. We just left her. She told us she was suicidal and we didn't do anything Fraser, we left her there, People died because of us. Sam died because of us" I said completely breaking down. 

Fraser pulled me into him, lying us down. He trailed his fingers slowly up and down my arm as he spoke, "You wanted to help your friend El, you didn't know that any of that was going to happen. You were trying to help everyone but sometimes that's not possible. Sometimes you can't save them and sometime you have to live with that as a consequence. But it's going to be okay, it may not feel like it right now but at some point you'll move on from this, you'll learn to live with it and I'll be right here to help you" He finished placing a kiss on my head.

"I don't deserve you Fraser"