Mominah (Completed)

A Cherished Fantasy

I am walking on the pearly white floor doing tawaf around the Kaa'ba Shareef with my hand in hand of that person . We are reciting Labbaik Allahumma Labbaik in complete harmony of voices and emotions. Suddenly, I lose grasp of his hand , that leaves me perplexed . Im instantly missing the protection and warmth of his soul. I wander around to get a sight of him . Just then , my ears catch a mesmerising, beautifully peaceful recitation of Surah Rahman. I head towards the source, find him sitting on the floor with his beautiful eyes closed and tears glistening on his cheeks and beard . He is totally engrossed while soulfully reciting my favourite Surah. I sit beside him , take his hand in mine and rest my head on his shoulder. The words coming out of his mouth as always shake my heart and tears start flowing from my eyes and wetten the fabric of his white kurta. He finishes the recitation and opens his eyes. I lift my head and wipe tears , both his and mine. But now, after letting these tears flow in the fear and love of Allah Subhan Wa Taa'la, my soul is encased in peace and calm, like weights have been lifted off my heart, like body has found new strength to strive , like mind has been recharged, like I have found new meanings to happiness and I never want this to end!

I got up to switch off the alarm for prayer of Fajar. I slid in my slippers and walked towards balcony to breath in some fresh air amidst the voice of Azan e Fajar . I looked towards the minaret of the mosque that was two streets away and suddenly got a flashback of the dream . My eyes went wide in shock when the realization dawned upon me that I've even started dreaming about him ! "him" ! I don't even know his name!! I but cant deny that the dream was so peaceful and soulful. The feeling of walking on that floor , that breathtaking view of kaa'ba was no doubt exceptional . But why was I weeping upon hearing the recitation? Ive never experienced that before! I shook off the thoughts and proceeded to do ablution and offer my prayer.

The day progressed in its usual routine but ,there was guilt surfacing over that , I unconsciously was thinking about some other person who, clearly is Na Mehram and I already Im engaged. Why things are getting this way? This all is burdening me even more ? Should I discuss it with Baji Jan ?? No! Not at all ! What will she think about me ? Urghh!Let's Just try to forget it ! But Im already trying with no avail ! My dear Allah please help me! I recalled the dua of desperate times and recited it
" Rabbi Inni Lima Anzalta Ilayya Min Khairin Faqeer " ( It was recited by Hazrat Musa A.S when he was finding shelter after he had accidentally killed a person . It has a beautiful reason why it is recited in desperate times and the reason has been explained in detail in the book Revive Your Heart by Ustad Noman Ali Khan )

I had to wait for the next day to be in the awaited lectures of the week. I was sitting on my usual place and was listening to Baji Jan while she was explaining Surah Al Hadeed . When she came to verse 16 , I felt my heart shaken with some unseen force. She recited

Has the time not come for the believers that their hearts should become melted on the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth?

I had questioned myself just yesterday that Why was I weeping on listening the recitation? Baji Sobia continued after recitation of the ayat:
Our hearts hardened by sins and the wordly desires can be melted and eyes will shed tears when the soul gets enveloped in the love and fear of Allah Subhan Wa Taa'la. This stage may not come immediately but will come slowly. Leave all kinds of music , start listening to Quran. Start focusing on its words . Start focusing on the meaning beneath, your hardened heart will slowly melt In Shaa Allah. To understand the meaning in the best way I , like always, recommend all of you to learn Arabic . I repeat I believe the magic of the words is best captured in its original language .

      After the lecture ended I headed towards Baji Jan to request her to enroll me in a course where I could best learn Arabic. She smiled and replied that the best course would be the Aalima course that I could continue with my job. She told it covers Tafseer , Hadith, Fiqh and arabic language and its grammar. It had online classes too and the new sessions will begin after Ramadan every year . I thought it was good ,maybe by then I could make my parents agree to let me join this course too In Shaa Allah.

While coming out of the lecture hall .I glanced at a figure offering prayer on a  prayer mat in the garden. It drew my attention because , usually males are not allowed here during this time. He ended his prayer and turned while folding the prayer mat. It was him again! My heart became anxious again! Like seriously??? One day he is outside one house and the other day he is inside the next ! Is he some ghost who wanders this colony's homes !! I paced to go out of the house and I heard that voice again

"Muslimah Assalam o Alaikum! Wait... I have something to say ! "

Upon hearing his voice I was even more anxious but managed to turn and spit out all my anxiety in the form of loud , jumbled up words, that made clearly no sense !

" Who do you think you are? Are you following me? Im trying to stay away from you and you are everywhere I go ! Listen to me If you live nearby even then I dont want you around me again! "

With this , I rushed back to my house with a new guilt eloping me! I shouldn't have said that to him. He has been nothing but a gentleman. What would he be thinking now? Leave it ! What has happened will be good for me . After this rude behaviour of mine , he will not come infront of me at the very least...