Mominah (Completed)

Shaheer is back?

    " Meet this young man Momin Farman "
  " Im sorry Ms Abdullah !"
  " I want you to emerge as practicing Muslimah "
  " Why cant we do this out of love of Allah Subhan Wa Taa'la leave the reasoning behind ! "
" Mom that lady in black seemed soo odd!!"
" Why would she dress like that in my engagement Who called her? "
" We know for sure that Allah Pak loves to see us this way "

    All these thoughts were circling in my mind. The body desired to leisurely dose off to sleep but my mind was showing no mercy . I was stressed about too many things at once, stupidest thing to do , but that's how ive always been. Diving in all the problems at once and draining happiness and energy from the soul. Things got much better after Ive reading Mushaf but this time ,  I hadn't enough courage to open it because I knew my mind was finding an excuse to avoid  veil . I was too embarrassed to open it as I knew I was hopelessly unable to avoid the thoughts of a Na Mehram despite being engaged. I felt my soul burdened under the weight of my sins . I just got up , did ablution and prayed Salaat ul Hajat . I felt my body getting relaxed as I cried my heart out in dua and fell asleep.

              The next morning the first thing I did was to ask Dad to give me one more week before I join the company properly. I needed to makeup my mind whether to start veil or not. If Mushaf had not become a part of my life I would never have given a thought about it. But now I want to excel in the race of Allah's love and dive in its depths and lose my ownself. But at the same time, this selfish mind wants to survive in this judgemental society. It was constantly negating the idea of veil . It was constantly proving that in confines of veil Ill be left behind in my career and my own life, my parents will be angry . All of a sudden how can I just step in this  world with this big of a change ? But my Allah loves it then why not ?

       After constant battle with my soul for 5 days I was still restless. The only thing my mind was telling me that I want to become a successful businesswoman and Ill not be able to manage with veil. Finally with thumping heart I read dua e noor and opened Mushaf looking for an answer
Surah Juma verse 11 was there to catch my attention
But When they saw business going on ( O Muhammad) they rushed to it and left you standing . Say " What is with Allah is better is better than diversion and transaction and Allah is the best of providers "

My heart felt like it was squeezed . The answer was evident. I was thinking about business and here Mushaf clearly told me What is with Allah is better than these worldly affairs. I cried and cried in dua . If I were to start the veil I never wanted to leave it , perhaps this was the reason I was thinking so much before starting. What if , at some point I left it Allah Pak will be angry with me . I again opened Mushaf after next prayer and found Surah Ahzaab verse 33

And abide in your houses and don't display yourself as was the display of former times of ignorance , establish prayer and give zakah , and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah intends only to remove from you the impurity of sin , O people of the Prophet's household and to purify you with extensive purification

Allah wants to purify you from your sins.That was it . I knew what I had to do. I asked Allah for strength and made a firm decision. I had to do veil only to find my Rabb's Raza. Ill do it for Allah Subhan Wa Taa'la and I believe He will be the One Who will grant me strength for this . Making the decision my soul was relieved . I felt much more peaceful and determined. But I needed some guidance on how to do so . I excitedly called Sobia Baji and informed her about my decision.

Meri Jaan Im so happy for you .May Allah bless you with bundles of happiness and aafiyat . I cant express what I am feeling on your decision . As far as guidance is concerned, Meri Jann Im out of city for a month so for now open youtube and watch some tutorials, then chose whichever way of veil suits you

I did as she said , watched multiple tutorials finally found one which I felt best for myself . I went to Al Tayyaba store and bought dark blue abaya with a light blue square scarf and a black abaya with black scarf . I came back home and after some efforts succeeded in pinning my veil . I was so elated on seeing my veiled reflection in mirror. I was so lost in my thoughts when my phone rang . Without seeing the caller id I attended the call

Mominah meet me in an hour in Gloria cafe near my house

It was Shaheer who didn't even bother to listen to my answer. He didn't inform me that he was back from Islamabad. Now when he was back his tone was so rude . I didn't want to meet him I was hating this changed Shaheer and repenting for choosing him. Still I knew I had to go I had to continue this relationship for Dad's repute. With heavy heart I decided to go. I kept my abaya and veil on and went to meet him.
Entering the cafe , I spotted him sitting in a corner . I approached him , he turned and what I saw in his eyes was , what I least wanted to see , ' disgust'!!

      "What  the hell is this Mominah?? Are you a thief?? Why have you started covering your face? Already your dad is not cooperating and now this ?? This is not the way to live in this society "
    He was shouting and my tears were welming up. Every word was clenching my heart . I mustered up some courage and spoke

   " What's wrong Shaheer? This is my decision for My Rabb ! Do you know more appropriate ways to live in this society than the one suggested by Allah Almighty? "
 
He scoffed and got even more furious
" Im fed up Mominah! Im repenting the time I chose you ! How could you turn so odd and orthodox! You are looking so funny I can't believe your are my fiancé! Your father is not listening to me and neither are you ! It's enough......You have to chose , Me? Or this Old fashioned appearance?? "
   
He was repenting??? Well I was fed up more than him . Without thinking anything as if in state of trance I took my engagement ring out of my finger and put it on the table

   " I happily choose Allah Subhan Wa Taala's Razaa over you Mr Shaheer Ahmed Sheikh!!! "

I rushed back home and locked myself in my room. The thing bothering me was that I was feeling nothing! Nothing at all! No sadness! No grief! No tears! I was just feeling as if released from chains . I was sure now that Shaheer didn't love me ever . It was so easy for him to leave me , Infact he was finding some reason to break this engagement.

But what about myself? I thought and believed I loved him alot and couldn't live without him then why? Why wasn't I sad ? It means I never really understood myself?? It was just sense of happiness when he considered me important and complemented me and cared for me ? I was not even familiar with my own soul? How scary this truth was ! Even scarier thing was ,that I had to inform Dad about this and the reason behind why  engagement broke, My veil!! How will I face him ?