Mominah (Completed)

Two proposals??

Coming back home my mind was filled with all sorts of negative thoughts. My thoughts were compelling me to believe that Momin will change, the strong feelings Im having for him will change too . There is no doubt I never felt this way for Shaheer but still Ive lost trust on my own feelings and anyone new trying to enter my life . The only convincing decision I could form was that I will NEVER get married!!!!

After Isha prayer, I opened Mushaf to read Surah Mulk( (Rasool e Pak PBUH wished this Surah should be in heart of every muslim and it protects from torments of grave) ), Surah Rum verse 21 caught my eye and was like again addressing me , still amazing me the way I was amazed for the first time

"And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are the signs for those who reflect "

I closed Quran e Pak for a while . I know marriage completes half of our deen , It is Sunnat e Rasool e Pak PBUH , but my broken trust was scaring me for any new step . How will I be able to rely on any new person?? After a while of pondering I opened Mushaf , Surah Tauba verse 129 reminded me ,Whom I should be relying on

"Allah is sufficient for me. There is none worthy of worship but Him.I rely only on Him and He is the lord of majestic throne "

My eyes were filled with tears but my heart felt peaceful . Why should I be afraid of my future when all I should do is to rely on Him , Who loves His creation more than 70 mothers. Whatever He has decided for me is bound to happen and to go through it , He will be the one to give me strength. All I have to do is to keep praying to Him , never lose hope from His mercy , His love !

Next day Momin Sir didn't discuss "the" topic whole day . His talks were strictly work related and this was bugging me. I wanted him to ask that question again and I could answer him . My mind was saying What if he doesn't want to marry me anymore?? No !!! I decided to not think anything negative and talk to him myself, afterall Hazrat Khadija also sent the proposal to Holy Prophet PBUH, herself. I can also talk to him . After finishing my work I mustered up my courage and knocked on door of Momin Sir's cabin

"Come In "
hearing his reply I , with heartbeat of I guess 130 ! entered his cabin

" Miss Abdullah ??
Is everything fine ?
Do you perhaps want to discuss about Monday's meeting?? "

next my mind was talking to me
What is this ?
Why is he not getting why would I come to his office!!
I think I should go back !
Mission abort!!!

but my heart intervened
No No Momina lets give it a try !
Its not that difficult afterall! be confident!

" Uhm Uhm " Sir brought me out of my thoughts

" Momin Sir actually I wanted to ask that...."
my words trailed off after that

" Yes ? Plz Miss Abdullah you can say what you want! "

" I wanted to ask that ....that....your mother...how is she doing??" I mentally slapped myself for not saying the real thing.Well it is really not easy for a girl I guess

" Ammi? ?...She is doing fine Alhamdulillah "

I took a deep breath and again spoke in one go
" whenwillusendhertomyhouse??"

"Sorry?? Miss Abdullah Im not sure if I heard it right ! Can you speak again a bit calmly "

I was embarrassed as hell but again lowered my eyes and spoke