I'll be There

Chapter 10

Grays P.O.V

I've been laying awake in bed for hours. Ethan's been gone all day and he isn't answering his phone. I even borrowed a friends car and looked around for him for hours. I called his parents ( I kept my calm so they wouldn't worry) but they hadn't heard from him. After hours of searching I decided to see if he went home. He hadn't. Now it's after midnight and still no Ethan. So I try calling him again. Straight to voicemail, at least his phone rang before now I don't even know what to think.

Hours pass as I toss and turn suddenly every position on my memory foam mattress feels uncomfortable. I hear the noise of shuffling from outside my room and I almost spring up from my bed immediately expect I begin to wonder if I was imagining it. Seconds later the door to my room creaks open as a presence slips into my bed.

"Ethan!!" I say cheerfully relieved that he's home and safe as I wrap my arms around him immediately. I have so many questions swarming my brain and can't decide on which to ask first but Ethan snaps me out of my racing thoughts. Ethan pries my tight but gentle grip off of him saying "look I'm still mad at you but I'm still not ready to sleep alone."
"..what?" I mutter in utter confusion

"Mad at me?? Why on earth were you even mad to begin with? I'm the one that should be mad Ethan! Where the fuck did you even go I looked fucking everywhere?!" I say sitting up quickly and sternly raising my voice. I notice Ethan flinch and stiffen and almost immediately throw out my whole argument and just pull him close to me but not this time. I spent way too long worried about him. We're taking about this now.

"Just drop it Gray. I'm tired. We'll talk about it tomorrow."
"I have plans later so we're fucking talking about it now Ethan. Plus it's the least you can do considering you had me worried sick all fucking day." I say still clearly worked up.

"Plans? What plans?" Ethan asks completely ignoring the question at hand.

"I'm meeting up with Morgan tomorrow at our spot now where the fuck were you Ethan?" I say sternly and quick.

Ethan scoffs "Of course you're meeting with Morgan tomorrow." He turns over and lays facing away from me dramatically.

I stare at him confused unable to comprehend why he's so upset.

"Ethan?" I touch his shoulder gently but he jerks away from my touch.
"E." I say calmly now only wanting to understand where he's coming from.
"E. I'm confused, really fucking confused, I just want to know what you're thinking."

There's a long silence.
"Please E?..help me understand?" I practically beg as I move in closer to him. I didn't expect him to turn so suddenly. We were now face to face laying side by side with almost no space in between us and our noses practically touching. I pause and stiffen at the sudden position we're in. I almost don't notice Ethan melting into me as he seems to move closer. So I try my luck again. "Just talk to me Ethan, start from wherever you'd like. I just want to understand." I whisper as we are now sharing the same air. There's still a moment of silence so I just stare at Ethan. He's staring right back at me with wild eyes and perfectly messy hair that makes him look even more gorgeous in the moonlight seeping in. I shake myself out of that random thought so I can focus on the important matter here.

I move closer, "please Ethan. Just tell me what's going on." I beg, desperation now laced in my tone.
"I was at Cameron's" he says exhaling exasperatedly.
"What?" I say now upset. I go to shift away but Ethan grips my waist firmly preventing me from moving away
"Cameron as in your sister Cameron?" I ask now more confused.
"Yes."

"You mean the same Cameron who completely turned her back on you when you came out as gay? The same Cameron who left me to pick up the pieces of you because she abandoned her little brother when he needed her most. That Cameron??" I said, my anger now returning. I notice Ethan begin to shake. I want to calm down and just hold him but I can't bring myself to do that just yet.

"Well she was there for me today Gray. Not you. This time you were the reason I was upset." I feel a pang of pain throughout my body at the harshness of his words. I can see him contemplating taking them back but he doesn't.

"I didn't know where to go where you wouldn't find me so I called Cam. It was a split second decision. Hell I was even surprised she didn't have my number blocked.." He paused. "But she sounded concerned when she answered she picked me up and I went to her place. She apologized profusely and told me how she had no right to treat me how she did. So I caved and forgave her." He said with his head down timidly. "She let me vent, gave me some advice. She even said I could spend the night. I tried sleeping on her couch..turns out I still can't sleep alone."

Ethan says finally done explaining where he was. He's now staring at me intently as if trying to asses my response, from his facial expression I can tell he's having a though time reading mine.
"Fine." Is all I say.
"Fine ? That's it."
"Oh do you want me to say more?!" I snap.
"I was fucking sick and worried about you all GODDAMN DAY ETHAN!" I say raising my voice now. "And I don't even get so much as a text or curtesy explanation, after the month we've had you know I fucking deserved at least that." I say now completely exasperated.

Ethan's body is shaking uncontrollably. He's now sniffling and shrinking into himself. Shit. I didn't mean to upset him more. Before I could react he croaks out " Well after the month I've had I really needed a fucking break."

"I know this month was pure Hell for you Ethan. Trust me I know. I fucking witnessed it! You don't think it hurt me to see the absolute shit beaten out of you. To know..that you were savagely taken advantage of. To know that all I wanted to do was hold you and have all your pain and memories disappear but there was nothing in my power that could do that. It fucking still kills me Ethan. It kills me everyday" I finish, tears are now streaming down his face and now brimming in my eyes.

I pull him closer and slip my fingers into his hair that I love so much as his cries muffled into my neck. "Now will you please just tell me what's going on? Please.." Tears now spill out of my eyes, I'm unable to control them.

Ethan composes himself slightly as he pulls away only enough to meet my eyes. He stares, his eyes moving wildly across the features of my face as I'm distracted buy the beauty of his. Before I knew it his lips were on mine. I backed away immediately, involuntarily. My hands gripping his bruised arms a little too harsh as I hear a whimper escape his lips that were seconds ago on mine. Yet my grip doesn't loosen. Shit why did I do that ?
"What the fuck Ethan?!" I say with more anger in my voice than I mean but really I'm just beyond lost.
"I..I'm ..I'm sorry Gray. Please let go." He says tears now falling heavier as he now sobs uncontrollably. I become aware of my grip and release it immediately. I notice that my grip leaves light imprints behind. I hurt him. I hurt this beautiful vulnerable boy in front of me. How the fuck could I do that. Shit. He's gonna hate me now. He should hate me now..I sure as hell would. In fact, I do.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Ethan." I say with pleading eyes actually looking for the forgiveness in his but I don't see it. All I see is a sad lost boy looking for comfort and my heart breaks more.
"I love you." Ethan says with a somewhat steady voice but serious tone.
"I love you too E." I say going in to hug him.
"No Grayson." I stiffen as he pauses thinking he's going to yell at me. I deserve it.
"I'm..I'm in love with you."
I freeze not expecting that. Now this I do not deserve.