I'll be There

Chapter 11

My mind races as thoughts of last night flood my mind "I'm in love with you" his voice on repeat in my head. I can't seem to shake the thought as I'm sitting in my booth waiting for Morgan to arrive. Speaking of Morgan, she's suddenly in front of me. I shake myself from my thoughts and greet her in an almost obligatory hug.

"Hi!" She says with way too much enthusiasm as she squeezes me
"Hey." I say back blankly, my mind clearly somewhere else.

It's now been well over an hour of us catching up and I still can't seem to shake Ethan and the way I left things from my thoughts. He looked so distraught, tears pouring from his eyes as begged me not to leave. But I really needed a minute. So I stood up and left my room leaving the beautiful sobbing boy begging me to stay behind. I didn't know what to do. So I walked to the couch and laid down. I guess I eventually fell asleep. When I woke my first thought was Ethan. I ran to my room to see he was still sound asleep. His face still red and bruised and his eyes still puffy and swollen from last night, especially the one with his broken eye socket. I wanted to stay and wake him up but I said I would meet Morgan. I never sleep in late but I was so exhausted so I guess today I had.

"Grayson." "Gray-"
"What? Um yeah ?"
"Did you hear what I said?"
"Um..sorry no I'm kind of a bit out of it today."
"Yeah..I noticed.. everything ok?"
"Yeah. Yeah. Everything's good. Just school stuff." That couldn't be further from the truth.
"What's up?" I said prompting her to continue
"Well as I was saying. Well, I miss us Grayson. I miss you."
"..okay?"
"That's it??"
"I'm sorry, what ? Where is this coming from?" I question honestly.
"Do you not miss us being together Gray?"
Gray.. it felt weird hearing her say it, it reminded me of the way it made me happy to hear Ethan say it, her saying it just didn't feel right. In fact all I could think of is Ethan. Oh god. Ethan. I need to see him. I need to talk to him.
"I'm sorry but uh I have to go." I say standing up and putting money on table running out immediately.
"What?? Grayson ?!" Is all I hear before I sprint out.

Ethan's P.O.V

My eyes burned as I struggled to pry them open. I woke to an empty bed. Memories from last night fill my mind. "So it wasn't a nightmare" I find myself thinking. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't hoping to find that Grayson had crawled back in bed next to me. But of course that was wishful thinking he had made his feelings for me abundantly clear last night. It hurt like hell but he's my best friend. I can't be mad at him if wants things to stay that way. I was delusional to even think that there could be anything more between us. He's Grayson, he was just being extra nice.

I turn over and look at the time on my dying phone. 5pm. Whoa. I must've really been exhausted. Guess it's time to start my day? Weird. I drag my exhausted body out of bed and head to the bathroom, brush my teeth and shower. My ribs have healed enough for me to take showers on my own now. I head to the kitchen in sudden realization that I'm hungry. I walk over to the fridge and see a note from Gray. "Breakfast on the stove, just heat it up."
A note like this has become a common occurrence but it was usually accompanied with a smiley face, have a good day or love you. I can see why none of those were on the note today. Hell, after last night I was fully prepared to just have dry cereal this morning due to the milk finishing yesterday.

I heat up the bacon eggs and toast Grayson left for me as I head to the couch. Although I feel as if I'm starving all I could do is pick at my food. I lost plenty of weight within these past 5 weeks and had just begun gaining some back. I didn't force myself to eat this time though I just pushed the food aside and laid back on the couch. Thoughts of Grayson filled my mind.

He was so angry at me yesterday. I can't believe I kissed him. After all these years I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe he'd actually return my feelings. After all my recent trauma I should know that wishful thinking would get me nowhere. I just could've sworn there was a change in the way Grayson held me..in the way he looked at me even. His eyes had a new hint of emotion in them. What's wrong with me, if there was a new emotion in them it's definitely pity. What else would it possibly be?

I should probably start sleeping in my own bed now. I know I'm still not ready but after last night I doubt Grayson would even want anything to do with me for a while at least. I'll just have to deal with it. The only reason why I even fell asleep at all last night was because I wore myself out from all my sobbing.

"Ethan!!" The front door flew open startling me enough for me to cower and flinch. I see Grayson storm in and walk straight to his bedroom. "Ethan!" He shouts again. I find myself too stunned to respond.

After not finding me he walks out of the room and scans the apartment. I see his eyes meet with mine and there's yet another emotion in them that I refuse to make out. I'm sick of his pity. I open my mouth to try to apologize so we could move forward but Grayson practically sprints toward me and tackles me in a hug onto the couch completely catching me off guard and stunning me into silence.

"Oh Ethan, I was so scared you would've left. After last night I wouldn't have blamed you. I was awful to you...I hurt you." The last part of his sentence left his mouth in a small whisper.

"I'm the one that should be sorry Gray. What I did was uncalled for." Grayson grabbed me by the shoulders securely and shook me gently as he spoke.

"Would you stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault E. Just listen to me for once." He said in a huff. He paused exhaling raggedly as he had worked himself up. It was now that I became suddenly aware of the position we were in. I was pinned flat, back pressed against the couch as Grayson straddled my waist and held me by my shoulders. His face only inches from mine.

There goes that emotion again. "Gray." I begin but stop as I see Grayson's face move toward mine slowly. He presses a soft but firm kiss to my forehead then moves down further as his smooth lips trail over my face, tingling as he begins to pepper small soft kisses across my face. I feel my breath catch in my throat at this display. Both my mind and heart begin to race.

He's working his way across my jaw still planting kisses on me slowly. He kisses me again as I now squirm beneath him, this time he just barely catches the edge of my lips. He pulls away ever so slightly before looking me in the eyes with the same emotion I've been yet to define. This time he opens his mouth first and utters "I have feelings for you Ethan. I'm sorry I've been too caught up to realize it and show you how you deserve."

That sentence takes my breath away and before I could respond Grayson's pressing his gorgeous plump limps on mine. It takes me a second to process but mine begin to reciprocate. His lips move against mine slowly at first then he quickens his pace. I can feel his want, desire and dare I say passion. I know I'm not wrong when he slips his tongue out of his mouth to trace my lips asking me for entrance. I part my mouth and kiss back with just as much want and passion as our tongues fight to claim dominance. Grayson's of course wins. Grayson shifts above me, he is now pressed flat against me with his legs tangled between mine and one hand securely on the side of my face as if he moved it I'd scurry away from him. His other hand was roaming my body and chest. My hands were in his hair. His soft beautiful hair.

Our pace quickens even more, desire now turning to lust as his body begins to grind against mine slowly. It isn't long before his roaming hand roams a bit too far as it pushes up my shirt beginning to feel up my exposed skin. I begin to feel insecure and vulnerable
do to my weight loss and bruises. Meanwhile memories of rough hands begin to flood my mind as my body starts to shake. Grayson's lips part from mine as they now trail desperate kisses down my neck and his hands move further up the inside of my shirt.
"Gray.." I said lowly with a shaky voice.
"Yeah." He says through desperate kisses
"Please stop." I say short, shaky and to the point.

Grayson pauses immediately and looks over my body, he now notices that I'm not looking at him and that my body is trembling.
"Jesus. God, did I do something wrong?!"
He asks frantically as he holds my face still between his large hands.
"No Gray, that was..amazing." I say honestly trailing off slightly thinking back to how long I've wished for that to happen.
"..it's me. I'm not..ready.. for you know." Grayson pulls me into a much needed hug.
"God. I'm sorry Ethan. I didn't expect more today. It just hit me how much I crave you and how long I've wanted to do that...I just got a bit carried away." He pulled back slightly to look me in the eyes. The emotion that I'm now able to place as adoration is still there. He brings his nose to mine. "Like I said, we're taking this at your pace Ethan. Whatever and however you need things to be. I'll be there."

I smiled my most genuine smile in weeks. "I'm in love with you Grayson."

Too which Grayson responded with a quick firm kiss on my lips as we settle into a cuddle position, this time I opted on being the big spoon.