Maybe this time [Completed]

Chapter 24

PAUL

I spent the rest of the day and well into the night thinking about what to do next. After living these past few years with Elisse as the center of my world, I suddenly feel so lost thinking of a future without her in it.

All my plans included her, were about her. The decisions I had made about my career, my job, were because of her.

I even bought this condo right across our office building because it would be convenient for her. I thought that it would be nice that she can sleep here instead of in the editing room, especially when I'm on an assignment and no one's looking out for her.

At some point, in between shots of vodka, I considered fighting for her. I wanted to go to her and tell her how I feel, to tell her to choose me instead.

Me, who had been by her side from the start, not some random guy who just appeared out of nowhere and snatched her away.

But after arguing with my inner demons, I had to accept the fact that I had lost. That after all the time we've spent together, she only ever saw me as a friend.

Friend. Damn it to hell. I hated that word now. I hate that I was placed in this position, but I don't know what I could have done differently.

The regret was killing me, and the pain was beyond compare.

I wanted to go home and cry like a baby in my mother's arms and tell her that the girl I was telling her about was gone. That she already belonged to someone else.

I only stopped myself from going because I didn't want my mom to hate her. I didn't want any of my friends to hate her, so I chose to work through my pain in silence.

But I also didn't want to be the stupid martyr who stays by her side despite everything, either. I can't do it. I can't watch her be happy with someone else.

And finally, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head and I realized what I wanted to do.

I'm going to be a foreign correspondent.

I looked for my phone through all the mess on my kitchen table and dialled Eric's number.

He answered on the first ring.

"Paul. What's the emergency?"

Why would it be an emergency? I wondered. Then I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 2am. Fuck.

"Eric..." I managed to mumble while trying to control the slurring in my voice. "Sorry man... I didn't realize what time it was."

"What the fuck? Are you drunk???"

"Uhm... I had a few shots... Just a teeny bit, though."

"Great. So this is not an emergency? I thought a big fire broke out or something. Jesus!"

"No... No. Sorry. I just wanted to tell you... I want a transfer to the foreign desk. Right away. Tomorrow, if possible."

"What? Where did this come from? Did they ask you to get transferred?"

"No... Nothing like that. It's just..." I took a deep breath to calm myself, cursing my alcohol-muddled brain.

"I just need to get away," I finally admitted, knowing that if Norman knew what had happened, Eric would at least have an idea what I'm talking about.

There was a loaded silence on the other line, and I knew Eric had heard.

"Right," he sighed heavily. "Go to sleep Paul. Let's talk tomorrow when you're sober."

"I'm serious Eric. I've really... I really thought hard about it. This is what I want."

"Alright. Come to my office at 9 tomorrow and let's talk. Don't be late! I have another meeting at 11."

"I'll be there. Thanks boss! You're the best. I looove you!"

I ended the call and thought over what I just said.

Did I really tell my boss, the infamous poker-faced, no-one-ever-saw-smile-once Eric of the news team, that I loved him?

Fuck. Fuck. Double fuck.

I slapped myself, trying to get a grip on the alcohol that consumed me. I had never gotten drunk in my life, and after this, I don't plan on repeating it anytime soon.

But, drunk or not, I had made my decision.

When it came to it, it wasn't a difficult decision to make. I love what I do, even more so when I am able to make a difference. When I am able to get the government to pay attention, or an organization to extend help, or just the citizens themselves to take action.

The only reason I always went back was because of Elisse. Because I couldn't stand being away from her for a long time.

Now I don't have that reason anymore.

I finally fell asleep with that thought.