Maybe this time [Completed]

Chapter 27

PAUL

My first email to Elisse had stayed in my drafts for about a year before I felt strong enough to send it.

Hi Kitty,

Sorry I didn't get a chance to tell you before I left. There were so many preparations to be done, I barely had time to breathe.

I got your emails, sorry for not replying to you earlier but it's been a crazy year and I had nothing much to say, so.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay. And that I'm not angry with you.

Well that's it. I hope you're doing great over there and I'll see you when I get back.

Paul

She replied right away and we were chatting again as if nothing had changed.

And maybe from her perspective, nothing really did. She was the kind of person who does not hold grudges from her friends.

Yeah, I've gotten used to being her friend by now. We have lived separate lives for so long that it's impossible not to accept that this was our fate.

I even managed to make it through our reunions those rare times when I'm back home. Four times, to be exact, but she only knows of three. I saw her one time and never told her, but maybe I will someday, I don't know.

She always looked so happy whenever I see her, and I thought that maybe she made the right choice with Ray. Maybe she wouldn't have been this happy with me.

But I was never sure because for some reason, we had always avoided talking about our love lives.

"So how's Ray doing?" I tried to ask once, when I was home on a short break and we met up for coffee.

"Oh, he just got promoted to anchor the prime time program. He's thrilled about it, It's his dream job."

"I don't care about his job, I'm asking how he's treating you. You don't talk about him at all, you know."

I wasn't sure if it was wishful thinking on my part, but it seemes like she averted her eyes and forced a smile.

"Oh. We're okay, we're good. His family likes me, my parents like him too."

It was a bland answer and we both knew it. I knew I wasn't in a position to probe but this is very unlike her, I had to know what was going on.

"Elisse, is something wrong? You're acting weird."

"Oh no, nothing's wrong. I guess it's just jitters."

Jitters? I had a feeling what was coming next but I kept silent, waiting for her to continue.

She sighed and looked at the distance, eyes clouded with thoughts that were obviously troubling her.

"He asked me to marry him," she admitted and I froze.

"I haven't said yes, but it's been a month and I know he's getting anxious. I don't know why I'm hesitating, either. We're good together, we're happy, even our families like each other."

I wanted to shout at her, to tell her not to accept, but I forced myself to hold back. She had to make this decision for herself.

"Anyway," she continued. "I'm still thinking about what I want to do. I know we're almost thirty, but I feel like there's so much more to life than settling down at this point."

"If you don't want to do it, don't. Marriage is NOT something you do only because people tell you or expect you to. You know that, right?"

She smiled sadly at me and sighed.

"I wish it were that simple."

"It is."

"There's too many people involved here, Paul. It's not just Ray's heart on the line. There's our families, our friends, practically everybody around us are rooting for this wedding."

"So what? They are not going to live your life for you! You're the only one who has to bear the consequences of this decision!"

My voice had started to rise and I struggled to keep my temper in check. I took deep breaths to calm myself, anger and fear warring with each other inside me.

"Look Elisse," I continued in a softer voice. "You cannot make this kind of decision based on people's expectations of you. You can't and you shouldn't."

"I know," she replied quietly. But she didn't look like she was convinced. 

She looked defeated. And I was scared.