Christmas Lost & Found

December 18th

Michelle

It was afternoon, they finally had the car packed and were on their way. She kept running through her list in her mind, hoping she hadn't forgotten anything important. Lana had sent a text first thing to let her know the heat was on. She replied, thank you and asked about a place to buy a tree.

"Lana said they sell trees at the gas station on Route One before we turn down to The Point. It's run by a local nonprofit. We could stop on our way in or go back."

"Either. We can leave it outside until we unload and are ready to put it up."

She shrugged not committed to either option. She reached over to scroll through the music stations. Rob didn't like current music, as much as she did, but Lily hadn't influenced him.

"How about some Christmas music?"

"I guess. I just feel like it's same old same old. What does it say about me I suddenly don't like Christmas music?"

"Nothing. I suppose we're both slow to embrace the holiday this year. Truthfully, I don't really care to hear one more rendition of Santa Baby."

Michelle laughed, but let the music fill the car. Things had been good and strange since their drive home from the party. Rob had been so understanding. Ever since her blow up about their pathetic marriage and her accusations about his assistant, he had been trying to prove he was faithful. In the car, she believed him when he said he had never kissed another woman. Later in the bath, she wondered if he had screwed without kissing. Why was she inviting trouble? She always felt he deserved better than her from the very beginning.

After he approached her at the party and suggested they take a walk, she was a nervous wreck. It wasn't like the first time when she was Chris's girlfriend. She was single and Rob was single and they walked up Tremont Street towards Boston Common. When he slipped his gloved hand in hers, she wished it wasn't winter. They had ducked into a bar to get warm and he reached across the sticky little table and took her hand. "Why did you say you remembered everything about me?"

"Because it's true. I kept hoping Chris wouldn't show up and then I'd..."

"You'd what?"

He shook his head and then he smiled. "I'd offer to let you stay in my room, but not... You know."

She had wondered if he meant because he wasn't attracted to her. She knew he was too nice of a guy to expect anything, but her first thought was chiseled in her brain. She always wondered why he chose her. He was so nice, he waited a couple months before he slept with her. It was crazy to think he could be unfaithful.

Shaking her head, she looked over at him. Why couldn't she accept he chose her? They had twenty-three years of marriage, so he would have left long before. Maybe everyone was right about the way he looked at her. She expected him to look at her after the party, but he turned on the tub and let her have a quiet bath. When she climbed into bed, he reached out and took her hand. "I am really looking forward to Maine."

Two nights, she thought it would happen, and it hadn't. The odd thing was she felt disappointment, and the desire stirred in her. Certainly, it would be the night, if not she would wonder if he was really getting it elsewhere. Deliberately she reached over and put her hand on his thigh. He turned to her and smiled.

When she playfully moved it higher, he said, "Don't. We're not young and stupid anymore and if your hand goes any further, I might swerve into the next lane. I promise you're welcome to put your hand anywhere you want when I'm not driving."

She smiled, because he was refered to their crazy single days, when she used to be playful in the car, not head in his lap, but playful. She squeezed her legs together, hoping the growing feeling would subside. They still had over forty-five minutes in the car.