Hiding Anna [rewritten]

Chapter Thirty-Four: Honesty

"What?" I gasped. No. No she can't have. My mother wasn't my siblings: I couldn't control her like them because I was older.

Technically, she was in charge.

But, I suppose, I was eighteen. I didn't need to take shit from anyone anymore.

"She and I had a chat and I've decided that I'm not mad. Honestly, I think it was extremely brave and mature of you to take her in. God knows what would have happened otherwise."

Was I really hearing this?

"And I've also decided that I'm going to stay home for a while. Well at least until Anna gives birth and then we'll see afterwards. It would be stupid to leave you here with her on your own without a proper adult around." She explained.

"I am an adult actually." I interrupted, surprising myself with my brute tone. "And I've been doing just fine for the past few months without you thanks."

Never did I expect that to come out my mouth. What caused this onslaught of opinion? I think that the knowledge of her permanently staying with me made me realise I had to tell her what I was feeling and not tiptoe around pretending I wasn't hurt.

I'd always been curt with my mother, a cold and distant treatment that mirrored her treatment of me, but I'd never voiced my nasty thoughts.

"Excuse me?" She asked incredulously.

"You heard me. I said that for the past five months I've been looking after a pregnant seventeen year old just fine without you." I repeated, anger lacing my voice.

"I'm well aware, Cassie. Anna told me. What's stirred up this attitude?"

"Maybe the fact that you suddenly decide that when the girl I hate is in trouble you come rushing home but with your own children it's not the case. You weren't here on either of our birthdays, you left on Boxing Day morning and you are hardly ever here anyway." I said. The words were flowing and I couldn't stop them. "Where were you when Abi was getting downgraded at dance because she's gay? Or when I was depressed and maybe just needed a parent to look after me?"

Or when I was raped at a party. When I was raped at fourteen years old.

It would be so easy just to say those simple sentences and let it out there, but I knew that it'd be even more problematic and complicated if my mum knew.

"And Harry. You weren't even here to meet his girlfriend." I finished, fully satisfied with my argument and somewhat relieved that I'd got it out in the open.

My mother and I had a distant relationship, and so speaking the truth and telling her how I really felt was new and I liked it. It was refreshing. This was all part of my progress, I'd decided.

"Which Anna has told me took an interesting course. However, from what she said it seems you weren't very well, and still aren't." She was ignoring my spiteful attitude now. Her tone softened. "Are you still depressed, Cassie?"

"Yes. I'm going to get better, but yes I'd say I'm still depressed. I have been for a long fucking time." I could have expanded and explained that I hadn't spoken to my friends in three months nor had I really left the house unless George dragged me. I didn't tell her how my nightmares came to haunt me and how I couldn't fall asleep well without George beside me. I missed all that important information."I can't believe you even just said that. You know I'm depressed and you do fuck all about it! What's your fucking problem woman?"

"I'm sorry for not being here." My mother sighed. "But it's just the way it is. I can't be in the house, I can't be around you kids for too long. It hurts me too much."