Use Me - C.M.

Chapter 15

Three weeks. It had been three weeks since the incident with Jay, three weeks since I started seeing a therapist, and three weeks since Conor and I have had sex. It's not that I didn't want to, but my mind flashed back to that moment with Jay every time I tried. I even tried to just power through it, but nothing seemed to work. I had been seeing the therapist twice a week thanks to Conor's concern. She basically told me it'll just take some time and I'll be able to when I'm ready. I would offer to do things just for Conor, but he would turn me down, telling me he was afraid it would trigger something and make things worse.

I was currently sitting across from my therapist as we discussed the same thing brought up every session.

"When was the last time you tried to have sex?" She asked.

I felt my cheeks burn red and wondered if I would ever be comfortable talking about this subject. "Over a week, I think."

"Have you been afraid to try or do you just not feel like it?" She questioned.

I sighed. "I've tried to...do other stuff, but Conor basically turns me down because he's afraid I'll freak out. I don't know why, because I was fine the last time we did anything until he touched me."

"So you're wanting to focus on him and see if you can transition into sex because maybe that will be easier?" She wiggled her pen back and forth between her fingers as she spoke.

"I guess so." I shrugged. "I just feel like he doesn't believe it when I say I'm okay with something."

"Like...he's taking charge of how you want to handle sex?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "That's exactly it. I want to determine it."

"Have you told him that?" She asked.

"No."

"Talk to him and see what he says. He probably doesn't realize he's doing it and is just trying to protect you." She explained.

I nodded and glanced at the clock on the wall. "We're five minutes past."

She chuckled. "You don't try to rush out like you used to."

"Guess it's not as bad as I thought." I smiled sheepishly.

"Glad to hear it." She smiled, as we both stood up.

She walked with me to the waiting room where Conor was playing on his phone. He looked up at us and stood when we approached him, a smile on his face.

"Same time on Thursday?" I asked, looking at Dr. Morgan.

"Actually, I think you're okay to just come once a week, if you're good with that." She smiled.

"Really?" I asked.

She nodded.

"I guess I'm not as crazy as you thought." I teased, looking at Conor.

He laughed lightly. "I actually had a question for you, Dr. Morgan."

"Sure." She said politely.

"Would it be all right if Layla skipped next week?" He asked.

"Why?" I interjected, giving him a questioning look.

"It's a surprise." He replied.

"I don't see a problem with that. She's doing great, Conor." She grinned.

"Perfect, thank you." He smiled.

"I'll see you in a couple of weeks, then." Dr. Morgan replied.

We said our goodbyes before heading out to Conor's car.

"Why am I skipping therapy next week?" I asked as Conor pulled out of the parking lot.