Use Me - C.M.

Chapter 25

It had been one month since Conor and I broke up. Four weeks since I had last seen him. He texted a few times, but it wasn't the same. He would ask how I was doing, if everything was going okay, but when I would return the question he never responded. I missed him.

Anth was throwing him a going away party tonight, which he invited me to. Conor was leaving tomorrow for London with no plans of returning any time soon. Maybe a vacation here and there to visit friends, or something work related, but he wouldn't be here permanently. The thought of not being near him was honestly killing me slowly but there's nothing I could do about it. When I told Anth it probably wasn't a good idea because I doubt Conor wanted to see me, he assured me he did. Hannah convinced me that we needed to say goodbye to each other, if nothing else. She said she was going to stop by, but not stay for my sake. I reluctantly agreed to go, letting Anth know I would be by later that night after everyone else was gone. It would be way too uncomfortable to come for the actual party.

I stood outside the door to Anth's apartment, taking a deep, shaky breath to calm my nerves. I was terrified of how I would react to seeing Conor for the first time since our break up, and I was trying to control my nerves. Eventually I mustered up the courage to knock on the door and Anth opened it shortly after, as if he had been waiting for me. I forced a smile to him and he returned it sympathetically, moving aside and gesturing for me to come in.

As I entered the room, Conor stood up, tugging down on his hoodie nervously. He gave me a lopsided smile, and the three of us stood awkwardly looking between each other.

"I'm going to take the trash to the dumpster." Anth spoke up, grabbing a couple of bags and heading out the door.Once he was gone, I looked back to Conor and he gestured for me to sit down.

I shook my head shortly. "It's okay, I won't be long."

He frowned slightly, shoving his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. "How are you?"

"Okay." I replied. "You?"

He shrugged.

"Why don't you ever answer that question when I ask?"

He looked down before looking back up to me. "I'm surprised you came."

"I didn't know if I should, but I couldn't let you go without saying goodbye." I muttered.

"It's not goodbye." He said shortly.

I wasn't sure how to respond to that, so I just glanced around the room instead. There was an awkward silence for a moment before I managed to speak up.

"I bet you're happy to be moving closer to your friends and family again." I said softly.

He nodded. "I reckon that'll be the positive side to it."

Another awkward silence.

"Well, I won't keep you. I'm really happy for you, Conor." I said uncomfortably.

I hesitated, desperately wanting to run to him but he was acting so distant that I couldn't make myself do it. Just as I turned towards the door, he spoke up.

"Layla."

I turned around and he walked towards me, pulling me into a tight hug. I felt the tears stinging my eyes so I clenched them shut. I felt him breath in and out deeply and I did the same, inhaling his cologne.

"I still care about you. I hope you know that." He mumbled into my shoulder.

I nodded. "I still care about you too."

He finally let go and I reluctantly did the same, my heart breaking even further at the loss of contact. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to be apart. I didn't want him to leave me.