Midnight

3. Dark Clouds

Today I'm floating on the cardiac telemetry unit with my main girl, Lorissa. We've been ripping and running nonstop. Placing PICCs, Ng's, assisting CABG's, packing wounds all the fun stuff. My hair was pulled up into a messy bun, and my light blue uniform was littered with stickers that I'm probably going to trash later. Oh! And I've managed to spill MOM on my pants. Today has been lovely!

I felt like I was skating through the halls. To top it off Ethan hasn't left my thoughts since yesterday. I tossed and turned all night imaging what it would be like to have him. Like genuinely haaave him! I don't even know him, yet I've envisioned his characteristics and made him out to be the perfect man. Oh God, I've even planned our wedding and named our children. Little Eliza with dimples and grey eyes like her daddy, Ethan. I know, I'm batshit crazy. Infatuated or infested perhaps. It felt good to have these thoughts wipe away all that is wrong with my life. Even if, I was positive I would never see him again. Ugh! That thought made me sick. He was probably visiting a dying grandma that's long gone today. Shit! My rude ass didn't even ask. What if he was grieving and wanted to console in a nurse!? I was that nurse. Dammit! That was probably it! He wouldn't want anything to do with me anyways. I was falling all over the place like I was a love-struck groupie. Gosh...I was going to give the stranger my buns. That's life on the rebound. I'm no good at basketball either. Goodness, he was sexy, and I can't help but think that he wanted me. Yeeeea....he was feeling me. I could sense it. He was flirting. Why the hell did I not flirt back or harder??? I should've been like; "Well maybe when I get off, you can take me out for a nightcap." Uggggh. Yeah right, I blew it. It was right there, and I blew it. I'm too old to be crushing like this.

My mind is dangerous. In the moment, I'll tell myself; "Noooo Cala, don't do it." So that after the moment I can be like, "Bitch! Why the hell didn't you do it?" The image of him was permanently etched into my head. I could kick myself! Now I was upset because I couldn't have him and his face! Those moonlit grey eyes. He brought on an ache in the pit of my...

"Hey lady I'm bleeding here." Shit. Daydreaming while inserting an IV. One way to have my license snatched.

"A little bleeding is expected, sir," I reassured, sounding more confident than I felt. He rolled his eyes and groaned in aggravation. I could care less. I've stuck so many people, I could do this blind and drunk. "Definitely honey bun," I smiled at the thought. Yea he wanted me. I bet he's married with four kids. I didn't even check. His wife is probably some skinny model that stood 6 ft along with him while I'm barely 5 '3. Dammit, Cala. I could kick myself!

***

After getting Genesis settled inside the building, fed and warm on his mattress that I pulled from storage, I clocked out. My job was complete for the day. I could rest knowing Genesis was out of the cold and had a full belly. He was my stubborn, deaf, homeless, old saint.

Once I got home, I turned my radio to classical music while I prepared my bubble bath. Distracted was an understatement. I was unconscious. Biting my lips picturing I had his between mine. "Ummm," I planted a glass of wine on my nightstand. This was going to send me over, for I was already intoxicated with thoughts of Ethan. I was sick with myself for allowing him to go on. I let him walk out my life and turn left. Well if he wanted me, he would have put in more effort to get me. Maybe that's it. Maybe he wasn't attracted. Maybe he was gay. "Naaahhh," I'm sure he's aware of his effect on women. He paralyzes us with a look. He was probably a playboy. Oh, he would rip my heart out. Damn it.

I sat on the edge of my clawfoot tub to turn the water off. Testing it with one hand to ensure it was hot enough. I stood, allowing my plush white towel to hit the floor. Stepping one foot at a time so that I could indulge into my hot foamy bath. I continued to allow my thoughts to guide my emotions as I washed slowly with the sponge. Twirling my great toe around the faucet.