𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐚 & 𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐠 𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐲 🩰 | [COMPLETED]

iv. prima ballerina

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I tap to my Spotify and scroll down the black bars of songs in my classical music library. Then, I walk to the middle of the room and take my place for warm ups. As I start pointing my toes to the floor, I find an object to set my eyes on. You have to find something to look at as you turn so you won't get dizzy, and my target was a mini, wooden Nutcracker.

Mommy always told me I was star-bound, I just needed to find my talent. One Christmas, we visited my grandparents' house and they took us to see The Nutcracker. Most of my classmates found the idea of sitting-still for three hours a snooze-fest, so I was ready to pout my lips and cross my arms in protest. Instead, I literally fell in love. Once the lights went black, I was transported to a fantasy world, and I never felt so jealous in my life of the dancers on stage— because they got to live in it. So, I tapped my mom on the shoulder and whispered that I wanted to start doing ballet.

Soon, I find myself in ballet 1, backstage wearing my sweaty, velvety green dress and my hair in tight, bouncy curls. I watch the Sugar Plum Fairy twirl across the pink-lighted stage. I pay attention to the way she made her body float, like she's dancing on clouds. She wears a sweet, pink tutu with diamonds sewed into her corset. Her hazel eyes glimmer in the spotlight, like stars in the dark sky.

Everyone else wanted to be Clara, but ever since I did my first of many productions of The Nutcracker, I wanted to work my way up to becoming the Sugar Plum Fairy. The Sugar Plum Fairy is known as the one of the hardest dances in ballet stamina and technique wise, and is given to the most skilled dancer in the company: the Prima Ballerina.

And that's when I decided: I want to become a prima ballerina.

Then, buzz spread all over the community about this special school of the arts and their exceptional ballet program. Mommy immediately wanted me to transfer, saying that school was my one way ticket to prima ballerina-dom. But she also said I needed to stand out from the other kids so I could get picked. And then, she came home one day with a Best Buy bag swinging under her wrist. She unwrapped the plastic to reveal a polished, black camera. I remember being hypnotized by its circular lens, reminding me of a cyclops's eye. Not knowing that it would change my life forever.

Sitting on my desk was a silver play button. It's a heavy metal plaque given by YouTube to celebrate us hitting one-hundred thousand subscribers. Pictures of our family at Vidcon were pinned to my bulletin board. The camera became a part of our family, and I made sure to take care of it.

I was so thrilled people cared enough to watch my journey to get into the school. So, not to let our audience down, I worked to be as perfect as possible to make sure we show them a happy ending. Mommy spent the summers submitting me for competitions to win and put on my portfolio. I isolated myself from all of my "friends". Mommy told me they were temporary classmates to make it easier. Because if I loved ballet, I had to be willing to make sacrifices for it.

First audition I bombed it, so I tried again. When I was eleven, I also bombed it. Then finally when I was twelve, I was accepted into my dream school!

I turn my head to the heart-shaped photo collage on my wall. Polaroids of Lucy, Lili and I, line the space from head to toe. Now that the journey was over, I was finally allowed to have friends. They took me in and accepted me even though I was the new kid. And I didn't even have to impress them!

Then I glance over to the golden trophies collecting dust on my shelves. And it tugs my heartstrings. I miss when people used to look at me. But now, I'm the same as everyone else and the one who people look at is Ashley Howard. And our views are going down. Maybe me getting the solo will bring them up again.

"Ow!" I shout.

Suddenly, the same stabbing pain shoots up my back and it takes over my entire focus. I curl into a ball like the rolly pollies in the garage. I groan through gritted teeth as I try to massage my back again. Until Mommy opens the door, holding her third eye between her brows.

"Hey, Julie. I just wanted to make sure you were practicin'— what are you doin'? Why are you on the floor?" she asks.

"Mommy, can you please not film me right now?" I ask.

"In a minute. I just wanna show everyone how amazin' you are," Mommy replies. "But the floor's probably dirty. I think you should get up."

I let the camera drink me so its stomach would be full of footage. I did say I loved being seen. I have to love every part of it, I guess.