𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐚 & 𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐠 𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐲 🩰 | [COMPLETED]

vii. green advil pills

♚♚♚

For two weeks straight, all I could think about was my audition piece. My back still hurt, of course, but I learned to subdue the pain by constantly swallowing little, green Advil pills. In my room, I would stand high on my tiptoes and twirl so much, trying to keep in sync with the music until I collapsed on the hardwood floor. And then, after I'd mark my calendar, I'd do it again.

Any time I would spot a mirror, I would also check to see if my face became more V-shaped. I would pinch the skin of my cheeks to see if there was excess. To see if the grapefruit diet was actually working. But, it's not.

Whatever. The odds are stacked against me, but I will beat Ashley Howard. I don't care what it takes.

Though, the Lucy guilt was eating me up inside, no matter how much I focused my energy into the piece. We all still ride the bus together and walk to class. We all still eat lunch as a group, but she hasn't said a word to me since the bathroom.

I thought maybe she just needed a break from me, but I don't feel like that's enough. I think this might be the end of our friendship, I think I've ruined it. I've been having this sinking feeling in my stomach for days that I can't seem to shake.

The night before, I step into my cold bathroom, and turn the silver nuzzle to the right; letting steaming water fill the tub. I unwrap a small, orange bath bomb Mommy gave me (because she's sponsored by them.) I plop it into the tub, watching it sink to the bottom. I take off my pink bathrobe and step in; sitting down and submerging myself into the water. The bubbles tickle my skin; the warm water feels like a blanket around my aching legs and back, completely soothing them.

I sink further to the bottom of the bath, closing my eyes and start whispering the audition piece for tomorrow.

After I finish, I step into my room again. I squeeze the water out of my cold, stringy hair with a towel. Then, I flip open my laptop and watch another night time routine video from my favorite YouTuber: Everleigh Rae. I modeled my own night time routine after hers. I even modeled my room after hers. She always seems so chill and happy with her life. Not one drop of fear, even when she has to perform for her ballet company.

After I finish her video, I click to our channel, and scroll through the comment section of our latest video. Everyone seems to be happy; saying my journey is inspiring, wishing me good luck, anticipating the next video.

Then, I reach for my phone on the nightstand, and see notifications pop up; Twitter DM's from random people telling me that they look up to me. I unlock my phone and reply to everyone.

Everyone's praising me, calling me a perfect kid, but will they still feel the same way even if I don't get the solo?

Then, Lili's name pops up at the top of the screen, and I tap it to enter her messages.

Lili! 🪷: hey gl tomorrow!

Me: thank you. Hey...can we talk?

Lili! 🪷: ok. what's up?

Me: Lucy doesn't like me anymore, does she...so if she wants to stop being friends w/ me, I understand

Lili! 🪷: girl...what?

Lili! 🪷: She doesn't want to stop being friends? she just wants some support from you, yk? That's all. Like, we support you all the time.