𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐚 & 𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐠 𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐲 🩰 | [COMPLETED]

viii. the audition

♚♚♚

All three of us step through the glass doors and into the Victorian building again; doing our usual routine of greeting the security guard as we go through the turnstiles and wander the halls before getting to class. Though, this time we move a bit slower to avoid getting there until the very last second. I came prepared, though. I stomped out every opportunity for pain by taking two Advil's right after breakfast.

I notice Lucy muttering the audition dance as she nervously wrings out her clammy hands.

"Hey, guys, can we stop for a sec?" I suggest.

We all halt right under the Arch entrance. I cautiously walk up to Lucy, and wrap my arms around her neck; giving her a hug. She takes a second before returning the warm gesture by slipping her arms around my waist.

"You're going to do amazing on this audition. I'm sorry I didn't say it before," I say.

"Thank you. I appreciate that. How are you feeling, Julie?" Lucy asks me, changing the subject.

"I'm feeling pretty good, actually. My dad made me this amazing breakfast!" I answer.

"Ah, so you're off the 'grapefruit diet' today, eh?" Lili says.

I stretch out my arm and motion her to join the hug. She smiles and wraps her arms around our heads. We awkwardly stand in a huddle, but it's so comforting.

"I'm glad someone feels good about it today. You've got this too, Julie," Lucy says.

♚♚♚

We finally step into the studio. After warm-ups, Madame Calvet has us all gather to the center of the room. As she speaks, I can feel the heat of every girl in the room; I can see the sweat stains dampening their underarms. I see some girls across from me whispering in each other's ear; then, they point to one girl in particular, Ashley Howard.

Now, normally I would agree with them. But, for some reason, I get this familiar flutter in my gut. The sensation that tells me that something's wrong. Yet again, I suppress it.

No! I can't focus on anything else besides my piece! I think.

"Now, I know all of you have worked hard. Reminder, if you don't get this solo, it's okay. We encourage you to try out for the solo in our Winter show," she says.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. She's only saying that because we ALL know who's going to get it...

She signals our accompanist to get ready. Then, she flips open her black binder to the list of girls and goes down the line, examining each name. Madame Calvet sits in her stool that's positioned next to the piano, clears her throat, and calls the first name.

"Madelyn Salva!"

"WHA-" she responds, whipping her head away from her friends.

"You're up?"

"Wha—Oh!" Madelyn realizes. Then, she heads to the center of the room. She dips her head down, slowly breathing in and out. The room is so silent we can clearly hear her nervous, unsteady breaths. Then, she looks up.

"Are you ready?" Madame Calvet asks.

"Yes. Yes, I am."

Madame Calvet signals our accompanist again to start.

"Begin."

Madame Calvet rapid fires through the names on the list. I start to get more and more nervous each time. My time is coming soon. My legs start to shake uncontrollably. I have the urge to just fly them out and kick something. I fidget my damp hands together while watching each girl pass through her routine.

How long do I have to wait?! I feel like I'm stuck between this limbo of wanting to get it over with, and yet wanting to run away forever and not deal with this at all!

"Julie DeAngelas!"

...What? SHE'S DONE ALREADY?!

"You've got this, Julie!" Lucy whispers in my ear.

My feet are glued to the floor. I stare vacantly at everyone. I don't want to do this anymore! There's something wrong!

Suddenly, someone gives me a hard shove right to the center of the room. But, I don't even react to it. I can't.

"You okay? You don't seem to be...here," Madame Calvet states.

She's right. I'm not here. Now I feel as if my soul left my body and I'm floating high above everyone while my body is on auto-pilot.

"Are you ready?" She asks.

"Yes," I reply. It's not a lie. Objectively, I am ready.

Madame Calvet signals the accompaniment again.

"Begin."

I start going through my motions. As I do my pique turns, I start to notice gasps from everyone in the class. The 'take your breath away' sound. The thing I've always wanted! I lose myself in the notes, adjusting my pace to the music that progressively gets faster and faster.

I feel like I'm flying as I bring my arms out! A smile starts beaming on my face as everyone stares at me in awe! I might actually beat Ashley Howard!

Suddenly, the familiar, sharp pain shoots up my back again; throwing me a bit off balance. No! I will not let this ruin me!

I keep going, but my lip starts quivering, and my smile reduces to a frown. Soon, my whole face scrunches up in pain. I feel my cheeks burning. The pain gets worse, now it feels like there's a 100 pound bowling ball rolling over my spine.

"Dear, are you alright?" Madame Calvet questions.

"I'm fine!" I choke out.

The rest of my body grows cold. All the heat transfers to my stomach, which is currently cramping in pain, making me want to puke. The saliva starts cultivating in my mouth again. But, I swallow it.

Keep going, keep going. Get through this, keep going. No matter how much it hurts, keep going—

Slam!

Next thing I know, I collapse on the ground in exhaustion and let out a harrowing scream. Then, I start making dry-heaving noises before letting the acid from my stomach burn a trail to my mouth. I puke out a swirly mix of green and brown on the floor. Hot, salty tears stream down my face. The room spins in circles, until everything starts slowly turning black right before my eyes, like dark ink spreading in water.