He's So Aggravating, But I Think I Like Him

Chapter Fifteen

The Next Day

Mandy and I just walked through the doors to the "lamaze" class. There were a few other couples there, the women looking excited and most of the men looked bored or like they'd rather be anywhere else but here. I'm probably wearing the same expression. We sat on the couches with everyone else while we awaited the instructor to meet us all. After a few short minutes of me and her talking in hushed voices, a lady, presumably the instructor, opened the door.

"Hello everyone , my name is Alice and I'm gonna your lamaze class teacher. Let's start with introductions, shall we?" She asked and turned to me and Mandy first.

"Tell us your name and how far along you are." Alice said to us. Mandy spoke.

"Um, I'm Mandy and I'm six months pregnant," she said quietly, looking down at her nails. She was being shy. Why is she being shy? This is Mandy, she's never shy.

Alice turned to me next, a subtle look of disapproval was on her face. I chose to ignore it.

"And who are you?" Alice asked me in her fake-cheery voice.

"I'm Ronnie," I said, meeting her eyes. I wasn't easily intimidated and I wasn't going to let Alice stare me down.

"You must be excited for Mandy. Is this your first child?" She asked.

I was silent for a split second, thinking of the best way to respond, "Yes, I am," I say vaguely, "and it is my first child."

Mandy laughed quietly under her breath, but she gave me a grateful look. I figured she'd be even more bashful if I announced to the room that I wasn't the father, so I took one for the team.

Alice nodded at us slowly, then moved on to the next couple. When we were done, we moved to another room with giant rubber balls lined up in neat rows. Oh, I've seen this in movies.

Mandy sat on the rubber ball like all the other women and I sat on the floor like every other guy.

"Now, the first thing you gentlemen need to remember is to be supportive and patient with you wife," Alice said, and I nodded slowly. I try to be supportive. Am I supportive enough?

"Imagine having to walk around with thirty extra pounds attached to you. Imagine how hard it would be to get up and sit down. And sleep, and more. Also, she's going to be insecure. Remember that too. Be careful with the things you say or do. She's going to have a hormonal inbalance, so she could be feeling bad for herself one minuite and be super aroused the next." I turned to Mandy. I can vouch for that. She looked at me, smiling. She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively.

I responded with a smile and an....uh.....inappropriate gesture. Her eyes widened and we both turned back to Alice, who had stopped talking and was staring at us, along with everyone else. Mandy burst into an embarrassed fit of laughter. I lightly pinched her leg to shut her up, and she stopped laughing, barely.

Alice continued with her lesson, "Now, girls, I know it doesn't matter how many babies you have, being pregnant is scary. You have all these negative thoughts about yourself and everything else, but don't worry. Most of it is just a play of your imagination, which is also effected by your hormonal inbalance. If you stick to what your doctor says to do, you should have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby," I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw Mandy bouncing on the ball slightly.

I wonder if she's gonna have a healthy baby, since we haven't been to a doctor yet and we don't know anything about what to do. I hope she does. I hope she has a boy. I know that it isn't my child, but I've come to see the unborn baby as more like a nephew, and I care for him, and Mandy, very deeply.

"Labor is going to be the hardest part, but also the most beautiful. There's more than one way to know you went into labor. For some women, their water breaks. Others, they have contractions, sometimes both. Some of you may have to be induced. You may not even know you went into labor for a few hours, or you can have your baby after just a few hours. It's different for everyone. The most important thing to remember during labor is to breathe," Alice continued, "Now, onto something a little more lighthearted, who knows how to change a diaper?" Alice asked. There were a few hands. Mine and Mandy's not included.

"Okay then. When I say, I need all the men to come up here and get a doll. As soon as I hand it to you, it becomes a real child and you are to treat it as such until class is over. Now, come," Alice instructed.

Mandy nudged me with her elbow and I got up to get our doll. Alice handed it to me and I grabbed it. I was walking back to my seat when Alice yelled, "Ronnie!"

I turned around and looked at her, "Alice!" I responded. She scowled. She didn't like my sarcastic response. I raised my eyebrows.

"That is a baby!" She yelled.

"Okay?" I asked. She did this weird jerking motion toward the doll. I looked down to it and saw I was carrying it by the arm.

"Carry it right!" She said loudly.

I was scared. I slowly held it up and stared at it. I held it in my arms and adjusted it until I thought I was holding it right. I looked at Alice with a questioning look. She nodded slowly, like I was stupid or didn't speak English or something. I walked back to Mandy, who was trying not to laugh.

"What is the matter with you? Seriously, Ronnie. Don't you know how to hold a child?" Mandy asked. I could tell she was mocking Alice.

"I've only done it a couple times, okay?" I said with a fake sniffle.

Mandy hugged me to her chest. Well, the best she could with her legs and a six-month baby bump in the way. She started petting my head in a very exaggerated way, "It's okay, baby, you'll learn," She whispered. We started laughing quietly.

"Now, go get a diaper from that box and put it on the baby," Alice said. While Mandy went to get it, I raised my hand.

"Yes, Ronnie?" She asked.

"So, you gave us naked children?" I asked. I knew it would probably get me kicked out, but I felt like messing with her. I truly didn't feel like Mandy would be getting the instruction she deserved as long as Alice was treating me like I was beneath her.

"Well, Mandy just gave birth. That is your child," Alice said matter-of-factly.

I frowned, "She still looks pretty pregnant to me," I said. Some of the other couples were starting to chuckle too. Mandy had come back by now and was trying really hard not to laugh. I was trying not to smile so she would believe me.

"Well, Ronnie, if you have a problem with my teaching methods, you're free to leave," She said angrily, and waved her hand toward the door.

"Fine then!" I yelled. I turned and walked toward the door, Mandy stood up to follow behind me.

When we finally got to the car we burst into laughter," Well, that was fun," Mandy said, "She was a bitch to you, I couldn't stand her."

I nodded in agreement, "Did you learn something?" I asked in a high pitched voice, warning a laugh from her.

"That if your tongue works the way you indicated, I might have to take you up on your offer," she said with a smirk.

"What offer?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows, before my eyes widened as I remembered what I did in class.

I swallowed audibly, I could tell from her cheeky smile that she was being serious. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from returning her seductive smile as I backed out of the health building.