"Take care of yourself, Koeun-ah"
It was the last conversation I had with Koeun. I've been not visiting her since then and it has been months since the incident. I often times caught her crying herself to sleep at night. I sometimes see her look for me whenever she wakes up in the middle of the night, then cried again until she can fall asleep.
It hurts me seeing her in that state. But I couldn't do anything but to watch her and check up on her everyday.
I wanted to know that I'm still here, lurking and guarding her. I wanted to know that I was still by her side, but I guess being by her side means hurting her even more.
I was with Lucas this time at an orphanage shelter, he has been doing some activities with some volunteers to help out the fundraising for their education.
He was given the task to document and photograph the children and the event. He looks happy with his work that I couldn't help but also feel proud of what he had become. I can feel that he was grateful for the opportunity, I can feel him so glad to be alive.
When the event ended, he went straight back home to start on editing some videos and photos for the press release next week.
I was just sitting beside him when I saw that a person named Chenle called thru Skype, requesting a videocall and he answered.
"How are you, gege?" The boy asked, he looks as if he is a high school student.
"I'm doing great here in Seoul, Chenle—" he said with all smiles, "how are things there back home?"
"Don't worry about here, gege. We're all fine, I'm fine. But—" there was a sudden hesitation in his face but I saw him gulped down and let out a heavy breathe before talking again "are you really okay there?"
Lucas smiled at him, I don't know if this is his little brother but I assumed it is, I saw Lucas nod sincerely, still smiling from ear to ear.
"I actually talked to him," Lucas said "Mark."
"You did?!" I saw how his eyes widen in fear while his voice suddenly turned high-pitched
"It was only one time," he confessed, "it didn't happened again after that."
"What did he said?"
"He made me promise something," he raised an eyebrow "he said that he wanted me to live for him."
I saw the look on Chenle's face, he looks like he's about to cry anytime, I can see him choking up.
"So I'm doing that now, Chenle-ah." Lucas confessed, "your big brother has been taking care of himself now."
"No more suicidal thoughts?"
"It's creeping in sometimes still, but the will to live and not disappoint Mark is stronger than the bad things in my head."
We then saw how Chenle cried, he has this baby face that even I want to console him.
"Your big brother will be fine, eo? Don't you worry about me."
"Lucas ge, before you go, dad and mom wanted to tell you something." I can see the shocked expression in Lucas' face, the screen panned over to their parents who were sitting side by side at the sofa, also choking up.
"Son, we're sorry." His father said, I can see Lucas' eyes also welling up "we didn't know that you're having such a load in your head."
"We're sorry for not supporting you in your passion, Lucas" it was his mom that's talking now, "we're sorry for not being good parents."
